I Am a Woman

This is a RE-POST from my old blog and originally appeared on March 8, 2013 for the International Women's Day. This is re-posted to save the article.

When I was in college, I helped organize a feminist movement and my battle cry was:

“Onward with women’s struggle for equality!!”

Twenty years had passed. I am now a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a teacher, a writer, a friend. But I no longer feel the need to struggle, nor to shout my battle cry because I already won my fight and I already earned my place. I live by how a woman is supposed to live, with PRIDE and POWER. I no longer have to prove my worth, because I already have.

I am a WOMAN, STRONG and PROUD. I live side by side with men to make this world a better place to live in.

Happy INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY!! 

When You Don't Follow Your Heart

I met James* in college. He was a nice and charming guy whom everybody likes. He fell in love with Mia* an equally charming and amiable girl. They were one of the sweetest couples I saw in college. Their love was so evident in every smile, in every squeeze of the hand, every exchanged look between them that  I felt hurt when they broke up.

Mia seemed to get over the break up easier and faster than James did. After a few weeks, she was back to her old effervescent self while James kept his distance from us for almost a year. But just when I thought Mia was tougher, I found out she was in the verge of self-destruction, but with the help of us, friend, she got over it. She eventually admitted that she took the break up really hard.

After several years, I learned that they were back together, not as sweethearts.. but as kissing friends or probably more than that. They looked so good together it was sad to see them holding back. James told me he still loves Mia but he couldn’t bear to be rejected the second time. Mia, on the other hand, also still loves James but wasn’t sure if he loves her still, because if he did, he would have asked her hand in marriage already.

Nine years after they broke up, Mia married someone else. James felt so bad over losing Mia the second time, but it probably served him right for not following his heart. He married a girl exactly opposite to Mia. The last time I saw him, he was as handsome as he used to be but apparently unhappy.

He accepted my friend request in FB but eventually unfriended me and blocked Mia altogether. Some of our friends said it must be his wife’s doing, but for Mia and me, it doesn’t matter anymore..

*not real name

Looks Can Be...

Deceiving…

In my first year in college, I met Donna*, another freshman. Though we were of different courses, we automatically hit it off maybe because we were among the youngest in our group of friends. Unlike me, however, Donna was a bit childish and boy-crazy. She thought she was madly in love with Arnel*.

Arnel was the painfully good looking, extremely smart and reasonably popular president of one of the organizations in our school. I understood of course why Donna was crazy about him. But if all of us were smitten with Arnel, there was one guy who stayed away from him as much as he could. I learned later that he was Arnel’s former best friend.

At the end of the school year, we had an outing at the beach. It was one enjoyable outing except that I kept on worrying about Donna because she was throwing herself at Arnel. It’s not that I didn’t trust Arnel, it was Donna I didn’t trust. She may do something stupid (?).

At the campfire, I couldn’t take my eyes off Donna who kept on putting her arms around Arnel. So, I was surprised to find myself seated beside Bong, Arnel’s former best friend. He said I should keep my friend away from Arnel because Arnel was not as good as we thought he was.

I went home in the province for the summer vacation. The next school year, Arnel was no longer around. I learned later that he was accused of embezzling the funds of the organization. He was also wanted for impregnating one of the young girls in our group. Luckily it wasn’t Donna. But every time I mentioned Arnel’s name, she would shut me out. Well, whatever she wished….

*not real names

A Father's Love or Lack of It

We were in third year college when my friend Tony* impregnated his girlfriend, Sara*. Though I knew the girl was deeply in love with him I wasn’t surprised when she decided to keep the baby and went home to her family instead of live with him. Knowing Tony, I knew he felt somehow relieved. They didn’t see each other again after that.

After sixteen years, I saw Sara again. She was asking me about Tony but I, myself, didn’t know where he was. She asked for my help to find him. When I asked her why she wanted to find Tony after all these years, she said in case her daughter ask about her real father. I perfectly understood what Sara felt. She felt that, though the girl wasn’t asking yet about it, she owed the truth to her daughter.

By some luck, I successfully found Tony’s exact address and telephone number and wasn’t surprised to know that Sara had them already, after all, they were posted on the net. I wasn’t surprised either that she already called him. I learned that he was shocked when he learned it was she. He droned on about how bad and worthless a father he was and that the child didn’t deserve a father like him and that she was better off not knowing anything about him.

Sara wasn’t fooled of course. But she stayed calm and reasonable. She knew she shook Tony really hard. But as I’ve always known, whether Tony believed it or not, she didn’t want to cause him any harm. The important thing was she knew where Tony was in case her girl ask to get to know her father someday.

 *not real name

Proud to be a TAM!

A Re-Post from 2013.

When I graduated from FEU more than a decade ago, I thought I was never going back. I was wrong. When I left, I thought I would never look at FEU the same way again. I was right.

As I accompany my daughter to school every day for a month (September-October 2012), I saw FEU in a completely different pair of eyes; no longer as dreamy, hopeful and reckless teenager but as a protective  mother, an indifferent outsider and a resolute critic. I looked at FEU.. and I like what I saw, still as GREEN and GOLD as ever.

I was and I still am... PROUD to be a tamaraw!

Go TAMS!

A Mistake

As a teacher, I've always been lavished with praises, especially if they are well deserved. I always find a reason to say something nice to students as I believe that they learn faster if they are motivated. What I painfully realized one day was that praises don't always work the way they do to most students.

Bimbo was 14 when he was enrolled in our tutorial center. His mother simply told us that her son was bullied in his former school and had a nervous breakdown so, she decided to let him home-schooled instead.

Probably busy with something else, the mom enrolled him to us so we can help him with his lessons. Bimbo is actually smarter than other students his age. If there was something wrong with Bimbo aside from looking for his mother all the time, was that, he was lazy. He didn't want to solve, he didn't want to read.
So, we had to push him a little so he would work. Then, I made the grave mistake of telling him that he is good. And if only he would work harder, he wouldn't need a tutor.

Using what I said as an excuse, Bimbo didn't attend his classes anymore and didn't continue with the program. I just wish the mom didn't hate me much..

If It Isn't Love

Chin* and Ned* eloped when they were young. It was 1972. Chin was fifteen years old and Ned was twenty three. Naturally, both their families weren’t thrilled about the whole thing. The elders even predicted that they wouldn’t last a year. But they were madly in love with each other and there was no keeping them apart.

It was indeed a happy union. They were blessed with three children. All of them were boys. Ned accepted any work offered to him while Chin kept house. When they were able to save enough money, they put up a small store. The store kept them well sustained and it seems like they were able to prove their elders wrong.

But one day, somebody from Ned’s past, Sally, moved into town. Sally was Ned’s first girl friend and probably his first love. Unlike Chin who was practical and street smart, Sally was sweet and vulnerable. And she didn’t keep the fact that she still wanted Ned.

Ned gave in to temptation. He got Sally pregnant. When Ned realized the gravity of his mistake, he begged Chin for forgiveness. To Sally’s disappointment, Chin stood her ground and kept Ned as if nothing happened. Sally left the town. As Ned promised, he regularly sent money to his and Sally’s daughter. He even took the child in when the girl was sent by her mother to Ned so he could send her to school. Chin treated her nicely and so did her three boys.

When I asked Chin how she was able to go through it, her answer was simple..

“It was easier for me to forgive and accept his mistake than to lose him altogether. Besides, Ned is a good man. It’s too bad people only remember THAT single mistake and forget all the things that he did good..”

I felt embarrassed, because honestly, I didn’t know Ned that much except for that mistake Chin was talking about.

 *not real names

St. Stephen's Academy Grand Alumni Homecoming

This is a RE-POST from my old blog and originally appeared on Feb. 24, 2013. This is re-posted to save the article and the pictures for sentimental reasons.

On Saturday, February 16, St. Stephen’s Academy in Laur, Nueva Ecija held a Grand Alumni Homecoming in celebration of its 50th Anniversary. Among the attendees were from Batch 1967 up to Batch 2013. It was one successful event and I feel proud to be part of that momentous occasion.

Sadly, I was not able to join the motorcade as I was still on my way from Manila when it was held. However, I was able to attend the mass and was among the first to get settled on the table assigned to us, Batch 1991. A slide show was displayed on the projector and I felt sad and disappointed to learn that our batch did not have any picture on it. If I only knew they were needed, I should have volunteered some old pictures I’ve been keeping all these years.

The most exciting part, I guess though not for me, was drawing the raffle tickets. I wasn’t excited because, first I wasn’t able to buy myself a ticket as the tickets were sold out and second, I’ve never been lucky in raffle draws anyway :D.

Now, my favorite part was the batch presentation. Each batch was supposed to present something, anything, otherwise, there would be a penalty, and I want to express my deep appreciation to the alumni, especially the older ones, who took time and took part to make the event memorable.

I want to congratulate St. Stephen’s Academy, including the Faculty and Staff for their success in bringing us all together in this once in a lifetime experience. Salute to all of you!

SSA, 50 YEARS NA!!!  

A Bad Taste of Love

Albert* has been my friend since we were eight years old. We became classmates in high school and I considered him to be one of my oldest friends of all time.

Nine years ago, I learned that he has been married for several years but recently got separated from his wife. I didn’t want to pry. I simply asked him why they got separated, a question that I guess was normal between close friends. He was kind of.. vague about it, so I just let it go. I noticed, though, that Albert didn’t want to talk about his wife at all. When asked how and where they met, he wouldn’t give us details. When asked what his wife do for a living, a teacher, a nurse, or a plain housewife, he would change the topic. I felt, then, that there was something Albert didn’t want to let us know, so, whatever he wished..

Later, I learned from another friend that Albert’s wife was a stripper. She was a dancer in a club that Albert used to frequent as a young man. When Albert got her pregnant, he married her, but the marriage turned sour and led to separation. I also learned that Albert has regretted having married a stripper with low moral values, with low academic achievements and unpleasant personality.

A few years back, Albert got his boss’s niece pregnant and they are now living together. But no matter how he tries to run away from his past life, it will always catch up to him. With two families to support, Albert has been working himself to death. Well, I guess that’s the least he could do about it..

 *not real name

Scary Love

On my first few months in college, I was living in a boarding house in the city. Though the place in general was bound to give a young girl from the province a violent culture shock, the neighbors were nice and friendly.

One of my favorite neighbors was Mandy*. She was a bubbly girl my age, very pretty and surprisingly nice. Just like me, she was just a bed spacer. We hung out a lot at first. I even taught her how to play the guitar. We were having so much fun until we met Jack*.

Jack was a ruggedly handsome guy about two years our senior. He was your ordinary pretty boy who thinks everybody is head-over-heels in love with him. I trusted Mandy’s judgment but I perfectly understood if she was swept off her feet by Jack’s.. flatteries.

After a months, we were surprised and somehow glad to learn that they were still together. Well, maybe we were wrong about Jack after all. Then one day, Mandy talked to me and told she wanted to break up with Jack. She said that her boyfriend was extremely jealous and possessive. In fact, he was actually asking her to run away with him. At 17, Mandy wasn’t ready for that.

That night, I woke up by the noise outside. It seems like Jack was running amok. He couldn’t find Mandy anywhere. He was drunk and had with him a double-bladed dagger. I stayed in my bed and nearly screamed when I saw Mandy beside the drawer at the foot of the bed. She was hiding in my room. I found out that Jack was forcing her to go with him to the province. She slipped away when she had a chance. The neighbors were helping her hide from one house to another.

That night, Jack was picked up by the local authorities. The following day, Mandy’s parents came to get her. I didn’t see her after that.

*not real names

Faith in Marriage, Faith in Love

Reena* has been my friend since high school. She is the epitome of a proper girl. Unlike some of us who party around, fool around and flirt around, Reena was beautiful, smart but meek creature who didn’t swear nor say something, anything, bad about anybody.

We haven’t seen each other for more than ten years. When we met again, I was glad to learn that she already had a family just like I do. I noticed, however, that she wasn’t as glad as I was about the fact. After a few minutes of asking about each other, I heard the story.

She married her long-time boyfriend whom she had a long distance relationship with. They had two beautiful kids. Shortly after their wedding, Reena realized how jealous and insecure her husband was. He got jealous about anyone, their neighbor, Reena’s former friends, her co-workers, and even Reena’s boss.

Reena tried to understand how her husband felt, so she tried to do everything she could not to provoke his jealousy. But one day, her husband came to her workplace and made a scene. He accused Reena’s boss of having an affair with his wife.

As if that wasn’t enough, her husband went to Reena’s hometown and told her parents about her infidelity. The accusation was painful, but what was more painful for Reena was when her parents believed her husband. How could they believe that the good and proper daughter that they, themselves, raised would manage to do such a thing?

Fortunately, Reena’s boss didn’t mind (much) what her husband did. After warning her about her husband’s misbehavior, he acted as if nothing happened. Reena’s parents were another matter. It took her two years before she could finally bear to see them.. :(

*not real name

More Than 20 Years Later

This is a RE-POST from my old blog and originally appeared on Feb. 17, 2013. This is re-posted to save the article and the picture for sentimental purposes.

When I was a college freshman, I joined a political group. I had no idea what I got myself into nor any idea how much it would influence me, my life, and the lives of people around me.

After more than two decades, I had a chance to see my friends again and I realized that regardless of the things I did and didn’t do, I would want my life the way it was and I wouldn’t change anything even if I’d be miraculously given a chance.

The moment I entered the organization, I lost my chance for a college scholarship not because I was disqualified but because I discovered that education wasn’t entirely done inside the classroom. I learned more from the streets and from watching people than I did sitting inside the classroom and listening to the teachers. I learned about various theories of psychology in school, but I learned about friendship, loyalty, sacrifices, hunger, pain and suffering outside. I learned about heroes inside the classroom, but I saw friends who gave up their future for what they believed in.

I learned about life in school, but I learned how to live in the streets. When I graduated from college, I knew my education wasn’t complete yet, because I’ve known then that it never will be…

To my former KAS, cheers to US and the memories we shared! 

Growing Old.. With Whom?

Mr. and Mrs. Rivas* were among the most distinguished couples in our town. Mrs. Rivas was a teacher in public school and Mr. Rivas farmed a big piece of land. When I was young, I used to see them go to church together with their children, one of which happened to be my classmate.

As a young girl, I used to regard them as a happy and ideal couple and I thought how lucky their children were. After a few decades, I, myself, grew old. In one of my visits to my hometown, I saw their house. It looked just like the way it was, imposing.

Then I asked my childhood friends about the family. I learned that Mr. Rivas had another, younger, woman and is now living with her in the western part of the town, about several blocks from their old house. Mrs. Rivas, presumably too ashamed of being left by her husband, left town and went home to her family in another province. Their children, including my classmate, are working abroad.

When I heard the story, I suddenly imagined the big house. I can still remember how often I went there to party with my friends and classmates. There was this big soft couch and gleaming wooden dining table. I can still remember wrapping colored papers around bulbs to give the place a dim look, perfect for partying kids.

And now..

As I passed by the old house on my way home, I looked at it and realized how old and sad it was, like a man with no one to grow old with..

*not real names

Wherever You Are

Flora* was a kind and smart girl. She was a year older than I but we developed a certain closeness common and maybe traditional to neighbors. She was popular in school and I felt proud to be her friend. We grew completely apart when she went to college in a prestigious university in the city up north.

There she met Edgar*, a fine young man just as sweet and nice as she was. But as what happened to young people in a relationship, they fell apart. But after Edgar, I never heard of any other guy that she got involved with. She migrated to Canada after college and I never saw her again.

A few years ago, I received a wedding invitation. It was given by Flora’s mother. It seemed like Flora was coming home to get married. She was coming home so she could marry Edgar. Isn’t that sweet? After all these time, after all these years, regardless of the distance between them, LOVE found a way.

I was so happy for her, for them. Finding your love, losing it and finding it yet again is a rare thing these days. Or maybe only those who have faith in love, that she would find it somehow, somewhere, would really and actually find IT.

*not real name