I Am a Woman

This is a RE-POST from my old blog and originally appeared on March 8, 2013 for the International Women's Day. This is re-posted to save the article.

When I was in college, I helped organize a feminist movement and my battle cry was:

“Onward with women’s struggle for equality!!”

Twenty years had passed. I am now a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a teacher, a writer, a friend. But I no longer feel the need to struggle, nor to shout my battle cry because I already won my fight and I already earned my place. I live by how a woman is supposed to live, with PRIDE and POWER. I no longer have to prove my worth, because I already have.

I am a WOMAN, STRONG and PROUD. I live side by side with men to make this world a better place to live in.

Happy INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY!! 

When You Don't Follow Your Heart

I met James* in college. He was a nice and charming guy whom everybody likes. He fell in love with Mia* an equally charming and amiable girl. They were one of the sweetest couples I saw in college. Their love was so evident in every smile, in every squeeze of the hand, every exchanged look between them that  I felt hurt when they broke up.

Mia seemed to get over the break up easier and faster than James did. After a few weeks, she was back to her old effervescent self while James kept his distance from us for almost a year. But just when I thought Mia was tougher, I found out she was in the verge of self-destruction, but with the help of us, friend, she got over it. She eventually admitted that she took the break up really hard.

After several years, I learned that they were back together, not as sweethearts.. but as kissing friends or probably more than that. They looked so good together it was sad to see them holding back. James told me he still loves Mia but he couldn’t bear to be rejected the second time. Mia, on the other hand, also still loves James but wasn’t sure if he loves her still, because if he did, he would have asked her hand in marriage already.

Nine years after they broke up, Mia married someone else. James felt so bad over losing Mia the second time, but it probably served him right for not following his heart. He married a girl exactly opposite to Mia. The last time I saw him, he was as handsome as he used to be but apparently unhappy.

He accepted my friend request in FB but eventually unfriended me and blocked Mia altogether. Some of our friends said it must be his wife’s doing, but for Mia and me, it doesn’t matter anymore..

*not real name

Looks Can Be...

Deceiving…

In my first year in college, I met Donna*, another freshman. Though we were of different courses, we automatically hit it off maybe because we were among the youngest in our group of friends. Unlike me, however, Donna was a bit childish and boy-crazy. She thought she was madly in love with Arnel*.

Arnel was the painfully good looking, extremely smart and reasonably popular president of one of the organizations in our school. I understood of course why Donna was crazy about him. But if all of us were smitten with Arnel, there was one guy who stayed away from him as much as he could. I learned later that he was Arnel’s former best friend.

At the end of the school year, we had an outing at the beach. It was one enjoyable outing except that I kept on worrying about Donna because she was throwing herself at Arnel. It’s not that I didn’t trust Arnel, it was Donna I didn’t trust. She may do something stupid (?).

At the campfire, I couldn’t take my eyes off Donna who kept on putting her arms around Arnel. So, I was surprised to find myself seated beside Bong, Arnel’s former best friend. He said I should keep my friend away from Arnel because Arnel was not as good as we thought he was.

I went home in the province for the summer vacation. The next school year, Arnel was no longer around. I learned later that he was accused of embezzling the funds of the organization. He was also wanted for impregnating one of the young girls in our group. Luckily it wasn’t Donna. But every time I mentioned Arnel’s name, she would shut me out. Well, whatever she wished….

*not real names

A Father's Love or Lack of It

We were in third year college when my friend Tony* impregnated his girlfriend, Sara*. Though I knew the girl was deeply in love with him I wasn’t surprised when she decided to keep the baby and went home to her family instead of live with him. Knowing Tony, I knew he felt somehow relieved. They didn’t see each other again after that.

After sixteen years, I saw Sara again. She was asking me about Tony but I, myself, didn’t know where he was. She asked for my help to find him. When I asked her why she wanted to find Tony after all these years, she said in case her daughter ask about her real father. I perfectly understood what Sara felt. She felt that, though the girl wasn’t asking yet about it, she owed the truth to her daughter.

By some luck, I successfully found Tony’s exact address and telephone number and wasn’t surprised to know that Sara had them already, after all, they were posted on the net. I wasn’t surprised either that she already called him. I learned that he was shocked when he learned it was she. He droned on about how bad and worthless a father he was and that the child didn’t deserve a father like him and that she was better off not knowing anything about him.

Sara wasn’t fooled of course. But she stayed calm and reasonable. She knew she shook Tony really hard. But as I’ve always known, whether Tony believed it or not, she didn’t want to cause him any harm. The important thing was she knew where Tony was in case her girl ask to get to know her father someday.

 *not real name

Proud to be a TAM!

A Re-Post from 2013.

When I graduated from FEU more than a decade ago, I thought I was never going back. I was wrong. When I left, I thought I would never look at FEU the same way again. I was right.

As I accompany my daughter to school every day for a month (September-October 2012), I saw FEU in a completely different pair of eyes; no longer as dreamy, hopeful and reckless teenager but as a protective  mother, an indifferent outsider and a resolute critic. I looked at FEU.. and I like what I saw, still as GREEN and GOLD as ever.

I was and I still am... PROUD to be a tamaraw!

Go TAMS!

A Mistake

As a teacher, I've always been lavished with praises, especially if they are well deserved. I always find a reason to say something nice to students as I believe that they learn faster if they are motivated. What I painfully realized one day was that praises don't always work the way they do to most students.

Bimbo was 14 when he was enrolled in our tutorial center. His mother simply told us that her son was bullied in his former school and had a nervous breakdown so, she decided to let him home-schooled instead.

Probably busy with something else, the mom enrolled him to us so we can help him with his lessons. Bimbo is actually smarter than other students his age. If there was something wrong with Bimbo aside from looking for his mother all the time, was that, he was lazy. He didn't want to solve, he didn't want to read.
So, we had to push him a little so he would work. Then, I made the grave mistake of telling him that he is good. And if only he would work harder, he wouldn't need a tutor.

Using what I said as an excuse, Bimbo didn't attend his classes anymore and didn't continue with the program. I just wish the mom didn't hate me much..

If It Isn't Love

Chin* and Ned* eloped when they were young. It was 1972. Chin was fifteen years old and Ned was twenty three. Naturally, both their families weren’t thrilled about the whole thing. The elders even predicted that they wouldn’t last a year. But they were madly in love with each other and there was no keeping them apart.

It was indeed a happy union. They were blessed with three children. All of them were boys. Ned accepted any work offered to him while Chin kept house. When they were able to save enough money, they put up a small store. The store kept them well sustained and it seems like they were able to prove their elders wrong.

But one day, somebody from Ned’s past, Sally, moved into town. Sally was Ned’s first girl friend and probably his first love. Unlike Chin who was practical and street smart, Sally was sweet and vulnerable. And she didn’t keep the fact that she still wanted Ned.

Ned gave in to temptation. He got Sally pregnant. When Ned realized the gravity of his mistake, he begged Chin for forgiveness. To Sally’s disappointment, Chin stood her ground and kept Ned as if nothing happened. Sally left the town. As Ned promised, he regularly sent money to his and Sally’s daughter. He even took the child in when the girl was sent by her mother to Ned so he could send her to school. Chin treated her nicely and so did her three boys.

When I asked Chin how she was able to go through it, her answer was simple..

“It was easier for me to forgive and accept his mistake than to lose him altogether. Besides, Ned is a good man. It’s too bad people only remember THAT single mistake and forget all the things that he did good..”

I felt embarrassed, because honestly, I didn’t know Ned that much except for that mistake Chin was talking about.

 *not real names