A Message to Papa

This is a re-post from my old blog.

My father passed away 10 years ago. It was the 'big C'.

He was in the US with my sister when he was diagnosed with cancer. The tumor was immediately removed and he underwent radiation treatment. However, the cancer already metastasized to other parts of his body particularly the lungs and the liver. So, what was left for my sister to do was to send him back here in the Philippines so he could spend his remaining days with us

Death, for me, is inevitable. Anybody can die any time of the day or night, and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. So, I believe that the best thing you can do before you die is TO LIVE.

I knew he was dying, but what pained me most was to see him die of painful death, little by little, minute by minute.. but I stood by him until his last breath. And I was so thankful to the Lord for giving me the chance to be with him and be of service to him until the end.

I have accepted a long time ago that he is gone and is no longer with us. There was nothing left unsaid, nor anything left undone... We have said 'i love yous' and 'i'm sorry's' and everything there was to say.

However, if there is something that I would like to tell him now, that would be... I MISS HIM SO MUCH.. He may not be the perfect father but I do believe HE TRIED to be and that was good enough for me.

Happy Father's Day, Pa....

A Mother in a Father's Clothes

This is a re-post from my old blog.

Much as I like to post something 'new', the absence of my husband, as he is working abroad right now, does not make it possible.

If i will be asked to describe my husband as FATHER to my children, well.. THE BEST would be an understatement...

I know there are a lot of good fathers out there, they are good providers, they play with their kids, they teach homework, they take their kids to basketball games.. typical. But my husband is a MOTHER in a father's clothes.

My husband starts to be a hands-on father the moment I give birth to my children. He is the one who gives them their baby baths, cleans their little ears with cotton buds, lets them burp after they are breastfed, changes their diapers when they 'wiwi' and wipe their butts when they 'pupu'.

He changes their clothes, from tie-sides to onesies, he applies lotion to their little bodies, he puts cold compress after each vaccination time, he administers medicine every four hours and gives them tepid sponge bath when they run with fever.

He cut Daryl's hair regularly. He ties Mika's hair, and even pick a louse or two when he gets across them in the process. He trims their fingernails, mine as well.. He does all of these when he gets home from work installing and cleaning heavy air conditioning equipment..

How does he know how to do these wonderful things? Well, he happens to be the 5th among 14 siblings, and he had the 'pleasure' of taking caring of the remaining 9. PRACTICE makes perfect, so they say, hehe..

Happy FATHER'S DAY, Neng (Ronel)! You don't know HOW MUCH you are LOVED!

A Teacher's Friend: The Photographer

This is a re-post from my old blog.

I met Lee (Viray Cahili) when we were in college. A quiet guy with a rare smile (very rare), He was what I call, at the time, a SILENT LEADER. He got the looks, the brains, the guts, and something else... CHARM maybe. But generally, he was one INTRIGUING person..

He had been a president of the Chemistry Society in Far Eastern University, where we both graduated from, and a representative to various contests. A competitive person with passion for excellence, he is now an acclaimed photographer and was awarded Photographer of the Year by the Federation of Philippine Photographers Foundation, last year, 2009..

Together with the other members of LENTI Camera Club, a club which he, himself, founded, he keeps himself busy with humanitarian projects like outreach programs. Among his future plans are free seminars and workshops in photography, in which, he intends to invite well-known photographers here in the Philippines to conduct seminars and workshops for children..

When asked what his most valuable award is, he answered, “Honestly, just knowing people appreciate my works is a huge recognition..”

Truly an asset to our country, Lee, single at 34, lives the life of not just an ordinary lensman, but as a talented photographer hoping to make a difference..

And as he will be celebrating his birthday on the 24th of this month, this post is for him.. Happy birthday, LEE! A toast for your SUCCESS.. I want you know how proud I am of you, and how honored I am to be one of your friends!

*This  article was originally posted in another blog by the same author on June 21, 2010. Lee Cahili is now married and is presently residing in United States with his wife.

Set Me Free

This is a re-post from my old blog Soulful

Marcus* is tall, dark and handsome guy of about 23. He is a young professional trying to make his mark in the adult world and I could say he is making a good job at it. He is one of my respected colleagues and maybe one of the most eligible bachelors in the office. For two years of being parts of a strong team, he became as close to me as if he were my brother. We take our lunch together, and we normally talk as we eat.

We talk about almost anything. But our favorite topic, just like almost everyone else, is love life. And since I am married, I have nothing much to contribute to the conversation. So, he usually does the talking and I do the listening and commenting every now and then. He talks about someone whom he cares about so much. But the someone seems to be taking him for granted, making him wait for hours, not showing up on dates, and even telling him 'I'm not ready for a commitment.' He asked me once what it means.. So I said, it's just as he heard it.. 'that someone is not ready.'

There is just one thing that I am so curious about. When he talks about his love interest, he simply says 'my friend', no names,  no pronouns. He NEVER referred to it as 'she.' So one day, my curiosity got the better of me and I blurted out 'What is this friend really? Is it a 'she', a 'he' or an 'it'? I almost regretted it. I won't forget how his face drained of color and he couldn't talk. He wasn't ready for a confrontation. So, he simply answered... 'just friend.'

And I knew. Marcus is gay. How difficult is it to say "Of course she's a girl!" Why use the common gender? How long he could keep it from us and from his family, that I don't know.. Maybe he still needs time or maybe not at all..

 *not real name

An Anxious Parent

This is a re-post from my old blog

A parent came to us a month ago. He wanted to enroll his daughter to the college entrance test review program..

He asked the name of every teacher and asked the school we graduated from. Upon learning that NOT ALL of us is from UP (myself included), he raised an eyebrow. In addition, he asked for the list (which was not available) of our students who passed the entrance test. And despite the waiver at the back of the registration card, he insisted that he is going to REFUND (ignoring the non-refundable sticker) IF he is not satisfied with our services.

I understand his anxiety over his daughter's making it to a good school. However, we, teachers, are only helpers, the ones who would take the test are the students, themselves. Moreover, if he really was not convinced that we can help his daughter get admitted, what was he doing in our doorstep?

We are teachers, we are not GODS, we can't perform miracles. We can only do OUR BEST. But if our best is still not good enough, it's time to LET GO....

A Teacher's Hope

This is a re-post from my old blog and was originally posted on May 8, 2010

Summer vacation is the ideal time to review for the college entrance test, and is therefore the busiest time for review centers.

As an English teacher, I handle grammar and... writing. Believe me, it is not an easy subject to teach. TO WRITE is something. TO TEACH how to write is something else..

But I was IN for a great surprise, for when asked about the 'greatest challenge' their generation is facing, a lot of my students answered 'global warming', 'preservation of environment' and 'over-dependence to technology'.

I was NOT just HAPPY. I was HOPEFUL. These young people, who I thought mind nothing but the latest cellphone model, the coolest haircut, the hottest PSP game, and the newest You-tube craze.. actually think about the REAL CHALLENGES.

And I can say I misjudged these people and I owe them my sincere apology. Then I started thinking and started hoping that they really will make a difference. I may not live long enough to see that day, but I am happy and proud that I have been their teacher even just for a very short while..

I really wish them luck. This post is for them.. Good luck, guys!

A Teacher's Reward

This is a re-post from my old blog (A Teacher’s Journal).

Mia* and her boyfriend are medical students. They came to the center one afternoon inquiring about the review in Test of English as Foreign Language, better known as the TOEFL.

As I was trying to explain what the test was all about, what they would expect on the actual test and the advantages of the review, the boyfriend kept on interrupting, as if he already knew all the things I was trying to say. So, as nicely and as patiently as I could, I told him that they really need not review if they are confident enough that they would pass. I even recommended a website for some sample tests on the internet so that they can review by themselves.

Mia came back alone the next day, admitting that she was not confident enough and that she really needed assistance. So, for two weeks, we worked hard. At the end of the program, I wished her luck and she promised me she will return to let me know of the result.

She came back after a month. She did not need to say any thing as the result was written all over her face. She thanked me and I told her she deserved to pass for working so hard.

The boyfriend? Well... he did not make it. Mia said he was scheduled for retake...

*not real name

A Mom's Reward

This is a re-post from my old blog (A Teacher's Journal)

Jiro* is not the smartest kid in his class. He is just an average eleven-year old boy trying to figure things out. But what makes him special is that.. he is diligent, patient and very efficient for his age.

He enrolled in High School Entrance Test Review last year. Every Saturday and Sunday his mom took him to the center. A very quiet boy, he sat in front, copied notes and asked a lot of questions. He was very friendly with everyone but very serious about the review.

During lunch break, he sat at the corner of the room and very quietly ate the packed lunch prepared by mom (lovingly, for sure).

When the result of the entrance exam came out, we were not surprised to find Jiro's name on the list of passers, nor we surprised to see him at the center to inform us and to thank us. We may not be very expressive about it but we were genuinely happy for Jiro, for making it to the Philippine Science High School.

If we were happy for his passing the test, we were happier to the see the smile on his face and happiest to see the pride and love on his mom's eyes.

Congratulations, Jiro!

*Not real name

Message to Mom

This is a re-post from my old blog.

It was some time in February, 1987 and I was in Grade 6. I was among the top students in my class and the proclaimed winner of the recently held TAGISAN NG TALINO (equivalent to Quiz Bee these days) in our district.

I was full of AIR in my HEAD.

So full that I called my cousin, ‘tanga’ (stupid) when she did not understand what I was trying to explain. My exact words were, ‘napakatanga mo naman!’ (you are so stupid) which was heard by my mother, who was incidentally passing by. She waited until my cousin was out of earshot then she said to me..

‘Remember this always. No matter how good you are in what you do, there is someone out there who is better than you. So, don’t ever look down on other people…’ (tandaan mo to palagi, kung magaling ka man, meron pang ibang magaling at mas magagaling pa kaysa sayo, kaya wag na wag kang magmamaliit ng kapwa mo).

And I want to THANK my mother for such a valuable lesson on humility.. I know there are so many things I should thank her for, and there are so many ways I can repay her for all the things she did for me and for my own family. But I do not know of any way I can teach her a lesson, ANY LESSON, the way she taught me that day..

'MA, I may not be as successful as other people expected me to be, but I know you NEVER STOP BELIEVING IN ME..'

Family First

This is a re-post from my old blog

Jean* is the eldest in the family. She has three more siblings. She was one of my closest friends since high school. She was a good friend, a good student, a good sister and definitely a good daughter. She never had a boyfriend in high school.

So,  I was surprised and happy when I found out that she was going out with someone when we were in 3rd year college. I never met the guy, but I knew him through her. He seems to be just as nice as she was, just as responsible and possibly just as poor as the rest of us. They were together for 2 years.

They graduated from college and started working. Jean, a nurse by profession, did not take the board exam. She said she couldn't pass it without the review and the review was expensive. So, she applied in Taiwan as a factory worker. She worked there for 2 years to support her family while her boyfriend was faithfully waiting here for her.

She came home when her contract ended. For some reasons unknown to us at the time SHE BROKE UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND. After a while, she went back to Taiwan. A couple of years passed. I found out that she married a wealthy Taiwanese.

Now, she is living very comfortably in Taiwan. She has a nice husband and 2 wonderful children. I believe she is happy and so is the rest of her family. She comes home twice a year and sometimes she invites her parents over to Taiwan. 2 of her siblings were able to work there as well and theirs is the biggest house in the barrio where their family lives.

I am happy for her. I am happy for her family. I feel sorry for her ex-boyfriend whom, I am glad, I never met...

 *not real name

The Show-Off at the Mall

This is a re-post from my old blog. 

Working in the mall really rocks! You get to know the latest news, the latest trends, the latest promos and the latest craze. So, I was not surprised to see one day, a trampoline at the activity center with the banner above that says "BUNGEE JUMPING" P120 for 3 minutes.  So, I was like.. 'who would spend P120 just to jump?' And just when I thought I was right? Well.. I was so wrong.

As I was crossing the activity center to take my lunch break, I saw this 'decent looking' guy putting on the necessary harness to keep him safe.  So, I was.. 'uh-oh, let's see what's cooking' and there he was up in the air jumping as if he will never jump again. And oh my, he's good, I'll give him that. He was doing somersaults every time he comes up and lands on his feet and back up again. Everybody got excited, people were cheering for him, and one girl, maybe a friend of his or something, was even taking a video of his moment.

I almost forgot my lunch break. I was having so much fun watching the guy and I do believe he was enjoying it as well, as I saw him waved at us. Then just as the excitement was reaching its peak, the guy called it off. 'Hey, what's gone wrong?" I thought. So, the operator put him down, unharnessed him and the fun was over. The crowd dispersed and went on to their business. But the curious bystander that I was, I followed the guy with my eyes.

The guy hurriedly went away, but as he walked, he wound a jacket around his waist fast, but not fast enough for me not to see.. What was that? Oh boy! HE RIPPED HIS PANTS..

With a big smile on my fat face, I walked away with a mantra in my head.. 'I'll never show-off... I'll never show-off... I'll never show-off....'

When Is Love Fair?

This is a re-post from my former blog, SOULFUL.

Hanna* just got back from the States. She was gone for almost a year. With her is a cute little darling of a baby girl.

Prior to that, Hanna worked somewhere in Asia for three long years. Being far from her country, she learned to be tough. She learned to depend only to herself. But she also learned to take risks and to make the most out of anything that comes her way.

There she met a guy. He was nice. He was fun. She liked him. But most importantly, she needed him. He liked her in return. Only that, he had a girl back home, waiting for him. But life abroad can be very LONELY. It can tear the toughest heart apart. And Hanna didn't want to be torn. She had to hold on to something, to someone, to keep her sanity intact. And so had he. They needed each other and they both knew it.

They lived together and together they fought. Hanna once fighting for survival now began fighting for love. She lost. After their contract, they went home. The guy to the girl waiting for him and Hanna to her family. In her womb was another soul conceived by.. love? dependence?

It has been a while and looking at Hanna, whatever she's gone through left her tougher than she had ever been. She is working hard for both the baby and herself. I know she will be fine but I still hope and believe that there is someone out there waiting just for her..

*Not real name

A PUBLIC APOLOGY

Another re-post. Not a very pleasant task but ultimately necessary.

This is a re-post from my previous blog dated December 20, 2011. Though the event happened a long time ago, I still feel the need to put it online.

I would like to apologize to my cousins Maria Lourdes, Janet, Ruth Sandra and Grace and to my aunt Nita, widow of my uncle, Dr. Artemio Agustin for offending them with my blog post “A Doctor’s Love’ (which was already removed from the archive).

I sincerely apologize for posting the story of my uncle without obtaining the family’s permission first. Moreover, I apologize for citing things that were based on what I heard from other people. Below is an email from my cousin, Maria Lourdes, to correct all the wrong information with the actual facts.

I want to take this opportunity to let them know that I did not intend to invade their privacy or dishonor my uncle, and I apologize for how my blog post made them feel.

Kim,

Hi! I just read the blog that you posted yesterday featuring my dad. I think that you did not do us any justice in posting this blog for the world to see. For ethics' sake, you could have asked our consent before publishing anything regarding my dad.

Firstly, there is no truth to the specific incident that you related about my dad's chance of going to the US before he met my mom. As you mentioned, you just based it on "tall tales" that you heard from different unreliable sources. Yes, they are just "tall tales" and not founded on the TRUTH. I believe that there is nobody in this world who knows my dad better than us. In our family, we always spend our free time lounging in our family room, talking about each other's challenges and sharing each other's accomplishments. My dad so vividly shared every part of his life to us from the time he could recall his growing up years to all his achievements. His lifetime was part of the legacy that he left us. The fallacy that you mentioned in your deceptive article would not have been overlooked by my dad. If there was any TRUTH to it, he would have told us, for the simple reason that it was a symbol of his undying love for my mom. Do you get my point, Kim? Don't bloggers follow a standard policy of posting only proven facts unless otherwise classified as fiction?

Secondly, my dad never drove an "old battered jeep". We never had a jeep in all of my life, plainly and simply because, its way out of our interest. We were raised up by my dad who never liked jeeps because he thought they were not classy. I beg your pardon, miss, the only time you will see my dad ride a jeep is when it is the only available military service vehicle in his area of assignment. But, mind you, our personal vehicle has always been a car, the current year model at that.

Thirdly, my dad never had a private clinic just like the "doctors" you know, because my dad is not a conventional ordinary doctor. He is not just a five cents doctor that paid a large sum of money in order to be admitted to medicine proper by a diploma mill college of medicine. It was you who mentioned that my dad topped his board exams. You heard right this time, lady. But, just because you know one fact about my dad does not qualify you to judge him and his motives. He did not end up as a "colonel in the Philippine Army", like you're trying to imply that he did not have any choice but to grab the only opportunity he had after passing up your “tall tale US opportunity”. My dad was a Brigadier General in the Medical Corp of the Philippine Constabulary. My dad hated the Philippine Army and he had nothing good to say about it. He belonged to the finest arm of the Armed Forces of the Philippines, and that is the Philippine Constabulary. He was one of the well-decorated finest officer during the reign of President Ferdinand Marcos, of which my dad was a part of the core that was loyal to the greatest president. Just one book will not be enough, if I were to enumerate the achievements that he has garnered in his military service. Now, these are the achievements that money cannot buy. The legacy that we (his children) got from my dad is priceless : INTEGRITY, HONESTY, MORAL PURITY and LOVE FOR THE UNLOVABLE. We, his children will never trade these for all the money the world has to offer. He did not have a private practice or his own doctor's clinic because his love for God and country comes first in his life, and all the remaining love is for us, his family. He loved God so much that he shared in God's interest, PEOPLE. He did not have a private clinic to make money but wherever he is, that is his clinic. People came from all over the country, friends, relatives, referrals to ask for medical consultation and assistance. He was just very glad to be of service to them. He did not have any specific clinic hours so most of them came in what the world know as "unholy hours". And, I think the big difference, between the doctors that you know, and my dad, lies in the fact that he never charged anything at all, including medicines. And if the patient needed further medical attention, my dad would even refer them to his close comrades and give them a special recommendation for FREE MEDICAL ASSISTANCE.

My dad loved the Philippines and he is willing to give his life for it. This is the very reason why he gave his Medical profession to the military service. Several times, not just once but multiple times, my dad was offered to serve in the US Army with a promise of making our whole family American citizens enjoying all the benefits and he will be given the best position and will be promoted one rank higher...he declined it all for the love of his country. Anybody ordinarily will grab this once in a lifetime offer, but my dad did not want to belong to the ORDINARY. These offers came when US generals saw how my dad served excellently in the Vietnam War. Facing an irresistible offer at the time when he was sacrificing everything in the war zone was too difficult to ignore, but he refused it for the love of the Philippines. Now, is my dad like the doctors that you know?

Kim, what do you mean by "why does he live the way he does"? What do you mean? And this question brings me to another fact about my dad. After giving his love for God and his country, all of his remaining love was smothered on us, his family. He was a military surgeon because if he was a private practitioner, how will we live since he will never charged anyone any professional fee. And, I can shout it to the whole world that my dad served in the military with all HONESTY AND INTEGRITY. He did not get, not even a penny, unscrupulously. However, he gave us the best way of life his paycheck can offer. He sent us to the best schools and he gave us the best luxuries in life. So, for a fact, he did not let an "old battered jeep" bring us to school, but he made sure that we had the latest decent chauffer driven car. We grew up not knowing that there were other jeans beside Levi's...there were shirts other than Esprit, Benetton and Lacoste...things like that. My dad never denied us the pleasures in life that his paycheck can afford. And this was the very reason that when we got the chance to see the world, we also did not hesitate to give him the best that we can give: a Mercedes car, Florsheim and Bally shoes, Rolex and Omega watches...My dad deserved the best because He has given us the best. Therefore, I don’t know what you are talking about, Kim.

I want to ask you why do you have to write what you wrote about my dad? Why did you suddenly think of him? THE BLOG THAT YOU WROTE ABOUT HIM IS POINTLESS. Kim, my dad is also different from the doctors that you know because my dad is a very private person and that's how we were raised up. We grew up to be a closely knitted family trained to take care of each other because we did not really get close to any of our kinsfolk. If my dad were alive, he would not also give you any consent to make our family's life public. WE PREFER TO REMAIN PRIVATE.

By the way, my dad does not measure success or happiness by material wealth or MONEY. For him, money is only temporary and no matter how much you have, it will only last for a lifetime. He believes in focusing on the things that have eternal value, things that you will possess even beyond this life. When he looks at a man, he sees him as a soul who needs God. If he can do anything for this man that will show him the love of God then he has accomplished a great deal. Therefore, for my dad, the more people you touched with the love of God, the more successful a person is. And this principle is the greatest inheritance that he left us. Now, after giving you a brief insight about the REAL Dr. Artemio B. Agustin, do you think he was happy with the way his life turned out?

Memories

Yes, I know I said "no pictures" but this is important to me, so I saved it from my old blog. If you would check out the reference link, it was originally posted in 2010, making it actually kind of old. It just happened to be an important blog post so I decided to include it here. It's kind of cheesy actually, but hey! that's what old people do, do cheesy stuff. So, get over it already. 

A re-post from http://kimmyschemy.info/2010/05/a-teachers-journal-a-teacher-learns.html

Taken on December 1989, a picture of young people celebrating youth to the fullest.

I, together with the other (then) third year high school, section A of the Saint Stephen's Academy (Laur, Nueva Ecija), had our picture taken with our class adviser Mrs. Noli Camaya. It was our Christmas Party.

After 21 long years, here we are now... or what is left of us.

Most of our friends in the first picture are abroad now, either working there or migrated and settled there for good. Some live in the provinces and had a very slim chance of joining us in this picture. Some tried to come but didn't make it. And a few simply ignored our invitation to join us in this get together

So what's left is a small group of middle aged people trying to recapture the beauty of youth by talking about 'THOSE DAYS', the parties, the picnics, the love letters, the fight over boys and over girls.. THOSE really were the DAYS..

But there is one thing I learned about these two pictures...

Our minds may fail to remember but our hearts never forget

I may not be able to recall some names in the old picture, but deep in my heart I know we shared something in the past: something we laughed about, something we fought or cried about and... maybe something that made us WHAT WE ARE NOW...