Not Just Cooking

Sam* just graduated from high school. She is a daughter of a wealthy businessman. The moment she graduated, the problem about going to college hit her and her parents hard. Though they can afford to send her to the best and most expensive schools, Sam is still unsure about what course to take and to what school she would go to. Affluent, though they are, Sam is not the smartest of students. She hates Science, she hates English and most especially she hates Math. I don't think she's dumb, though. She's just.. LAZY.

So, as the summer season crept, the decision about her education was still unclear. If she doesn't like Science and English and Math, what then does she like? That one, she's sure about. She likes to cook. So, it was decided that she will take up Culinary Arts in a prestigious school in Quezon City with a vision of putting up her own restaurant someday. So, she inquired and took up the entrance test. She was horrified to find out that the test include Math and Grammar. When the result came out, her fear was confirmed. She flunked the test. It was a dead end for Sam. What else could she do now? The school, though, gave her an option. That is to enroll in a tutorial center and study some specific lessons that she need to learn and master, like fraction and conversion in Math and subject and verb agreement and tenses of verbs in Grammar.

That's how I got to know her. Her attitude, at first was indifferent. It seems as if she doesn't get why she need to learn Math and Grammar when she will just COOK. So, the Math teacher and I explained to her how important the lessons are. She needs to learn conversion and fraction so she will know how to measure ingredients, how many teaspoons are there in a tablespoon and how many tablespoons are there in a cup, that sort of thing. She needs to learn tenses of verbs to fully understand instructions, future tense refers to what she will do and past tense refers to what she just did, that sort of thing. Yesterday was the last day of her tutorial and I am proud and happy that she learned not just the lessons but the importance of the lessons to cooking and to life in general..

Basic Grammar and Math may be academic lessons. But they are taught not to make a student's life miserable. They must be learned for practical uses...

*not real name

Flower for Cara

Cara* is 6 years old. She is enrolled in our Reading Program. Yesterday, the reading material that she was given was about Growing Flowers. Since Cara is already a fast reader, she had no trouble reading the entire paper. She was also able to answer all the reading comprehension questions that follow. That is except for one..

So, the teacher tried to help her out. The teacher, thinking that Cara was having trouble reading the question read it for her. The question went: If you will give a flower, to whom will you give it and why?

The girl didn't answer at first, so the teacher repeated the question. This time, Cara answered in her small voice 'to mama.' So, the teacher asked her some reasons why she would give her mother a flower expecting to hear the usual answers like 'because she takes care of me' and something like that..

To this, the girl cried and said 'because I miss her so much...'

The teacher, assuming that the girl's mother is working abroad tried to console Cara by saying, 'Oh, ok Cara, then maybe when she gets home, you can give her the flower and tell her you missed her..'

The girl cried even more and said.. 'No teacher, my mama is not coming back. She left me and my papa. I don't know where she went. I don't have mama anymore...'

The teacher finally got the picture and hugged Cara tightly and said 'It's alright Cara, wherever your Mama is, I know she thinks of you and that she loves you and cares about you very much...'

The teacher doesn't know if she did or said the right thing, but it was, for her, the safest thing to do. The teacher was crying when she told me the story and I cried with her. And I realize that my children are somehow lucky that I am here. I may not be the perfect mother, but I am a MOTHER and I am with my children and I just realize how important that is..

With Cara in mind, I came to genuinely greet myself a Happy Mother's Day..

*not real name

The Reception

I have nothing against grand wedding and reception. As long as the couple can afford it, then, it’s alright. Though I find it impractical, I do understand those who save money for 10-15 years so that they can spend it on their dream wedding. What I don’t understand, however, are those people who, for the sake of being a star for several hours, would go for a wedding that would cost them an arm and a leg.

The couple, Tessa* and Manny*, were both from local families in our town. They’ve been sweethearts for a long time. Neither has college education but both are hard workers. Their wedding, I could say, was well planned, the wedding dress, the church preparations, the food to serve on the reception, the give away and the invitation cards. The number of guests, however, was something nobody can prepare for.

Living in remote provinces is a communal thing. People don’t need invitations. They would come to your party whether you like it or not, unless you lock the gate and there’s no other way in. That’s IF you have a gate. Tessa’s house has no gate, and a very nice target for GATE CRASHERS.

One good thing about gate crashers, they are predictable, but one bad thing about them, they are predictably inconsiderate. So, as expected, gatecrashers were everywhere.

We came later than the call time not wanting to be first comers. The situation when we arrived was somehow disheartening. The food, it seems, was inadequate. After the newly-weds and the principal sponsors were fed, the food disappeared. But since nobody left the place, theft was not a possible conclusion, which means that the food was EATEN, by whom, well.. we could only guess.

Some of the visitors from other towns haven’t eaten yet. And when the food was finally served, it was a big bowl of steaming and soup-like sautéed MASTER sardines.

If the couple dreamed of a wedding that will be the talk of the town, well, then, they got what they wished. It has been the talk of the town since then and even until now.. :)

*Not real name

Too Early To Judge

Little James* is 3 years old. He is the youngest son of a couple who are both doctors. They came to the center and wanted to enroll him in our reading program. Though we recommended that he take the Playcamp first, after all, he is only 3, the parents insisted that he be assessed for reading, and so we did. As the parents expected, James passed the assessment because he knows all the letters of the alphabet. Against our recommendation, the parents enrolled him in Phonics level 1 which is the introduction of sound of each letter.

So, on the first day, we were not at all surprised when James wouldn't want to work. He didn't want to speak, he didn't want to trace, he didn't even want to look at the teacher. At the end of the session, the teacher talked to the daddy, who happened to be the one who fetched James, and explained what happened. She said that James has a difficulty coping with the lessons and that he was being left behind by the older kids which resulted to the class being held back. The teacher said that she will observe James's performance on the second session and if she thinks that the lesson is too much for James, maybe we could consider another option which could be to pull the boy out of the class and give him another schedule without any classmate so that the teacher could focus on him alone and help him with his difficulty. The father, with an unreadable expression on his face, didn't answer. He just took James's hand and silently walked the boy out the door.

Barely an hour later, we received a call from James's mother. She was so mad, our officer-in-charge could hardly understand what she was ranting about. To cut it short, she said that our play school teacher insulted her husband and underrated her son's capabilities, that her son is studying in a prestigious school and that his lowest grade is 85. She said our teacher is incompetent and is not supposed to teach small children like James. Our teacher, sure that she didn't do anything wrong, talked with the mother and said that James's father might have misunderstood what she said. But the mother wouldn't let her talk, I heard her saying 'Mommy, can I explain myself first' many times. Until I finally heard her invite the mother to come over and talk to her personally and settle the issue.

Later that day, the mother did come, tagging her husband along. The teacher explained what she meant, but the couple kept on cutting her out and insisting that she belittled their son. Our teacher explained over and over again that she didn't say James is not good, only that he wouldn't want to work, so maybe he is not supposed to be in a class and must be taught alone instead. But the parents wouldn't have any of that. So, our teacher very sincerely said that she apologized if she offended them in any way, but firmly added that she wouldn't apologize for something she never said. But the parents were implacable.

Having felt that the discussion was pointless, the officer-in-charge, thanked our teacher, sent her back to her class and asked the parents for their decision. The parents said they want another teacher because James WILL NEVER learn from THE TEACHER who just left. Our officer-in-charge apologized but honestly said that we have no other teacher at the moment, and that another teacher (she was referring to me) will be available by June. So, the parents asked if they could just pull out their child and refund their payment. Our OIC, feeling that that was the best way to settle the issue, gave back their payment.

IN GENERAL, teachers NEVER SAY that a student is not good. The worst we could possibly give as an assessment is that a student needs improvement, then we give recommendations on how to improve a student's performance. Parents and teachers are supposed to work together, side-by-side, with the common goal of helping a child learn. Parents must not regard us as enemies, instead, they must work with us and together, we will mold a child to be the fine and responsible person his parents wish him to be..

Cyrus Says

Cyrus* is 5 years old. He is a cute boy with a ready smile. Mommy enrolled him in our center to prepare for the Entrance Exam for Preschool in one of the most prestigious institutions here in the Philippines, the UPIS (University of the Philippines Integrated School). The exam is on Monday, April 4.

I know that mommy believes his son is smart enough to pass the exam. The problem is.. Simon has a very limited English vocabulary. At 5, he doesn't know the English words for lobo (baloon), ibon (bird) mesa (table), tasa (cup) and other very common items found inside the house.  What more, Cyrus doesn't want to write. Mommy said he only works when he wants to. In fact, he normally comes to the center with undone homework and mommy will simply say 'he doesn't want to do it.'

I know all parents want the best for their children. There's also nothing wrong with trying. I just want to point out that if any parent has the intentions of enrolling his child to a very good school, then, he might as well start teaching him early. Two English words a day wouldn't be that difficult. There is also no need to work the child hard. A simple.. 'ito ay fork, ito ay chair, ito ay box' (this is fork, this is chair, this is box) will do. There's no need to buy expensive books, anything that we see around can be a medium of teaching, 'ang tawag dun cat, ang tawag sa anak ng cat ay kitten' (that is a cat, the baby cat is called kitten) 'ang tawag dito hat, ito naman ay cap' (this is a hat, this one is a cap).

It's an accepted fact that not all parents are patient enough, especially when it comes to teaching a child to write. An old notebook and a pencil will do, let the child draw circles and lines and other senseless shapes they could make, this is to develop POWER GRIP in preparation for writing..

If we want the best for our children, let's begin at home. It doesn't need to be expensive, no need for Disney Princess coloring books, twistable crayons or glossy-colored books. All it takes is quality time and a burning love that knows no bounds...  Parents are the best teachers, don't settle for anything less...

*not real name

The Unlucky Bride

Mylene* was working in Dubai when he met Dante*. They became friends and eventually became lovers. Together they planned for the life they will have once they get married and finally start anew. Mylene was happy and Dante seems to feel the same way. And so the wedding was set and they decided to tell their families about it starting with Mylene’s sister, Gia.

But the meeting was a big mistake as Dante fell in love with Gia the moment he met her. And the worst part? Gia felt the same way. Mylene was devastated. How could her fiancé and her older sister do that to her. She came home here in Philippines and told her family what happened, calling her sister all the bad names she could think of and kept her distance as far away from them as possible.

Every time we met, she had something bad to say about her sister. It seems like she was never going to get over the whole thing. But eventually, she did. She met the right guy for her and Dante became just a part of her past as he really was. When she got married, her relationship with her sister improved, though she still called her ‘names’, she no longer kept her distance nor shut Gia out of her life.

What she discovered, however, shocked her more than she wanted. Dante, it seems, was an abusive husband. Though he never hurt Gia physically, he never treated her as an equal. He treated her more like a servant. Gia never did anything right. She was, for Dante, a pretty doormat.

For Mylene, she felt glad that Dante didn’t choose her, and for Gia, she thinks her older sister deserved it for stealing somebody else’s fiancé.

I can understand Mylene for getting hurt over what happened, what I don’t understand was her behavior toward her sister. Because if I were she, I would be sad about Dante’s treatment to Gia, as nobody deserves such treatment.

Maybe I’m just a little soft compared to Mylene, unless Mylene is really 'mean’ as I sometimes consider her to be.. :(

*Not real names

Are You This Client?

Late last month, one father asked about the review for college entrance test that we offer during summer. Our officer-in-charge, in her usual friendly manner, explained everything the client needs to know . But when the client asked whether it is guaranteed that his son will pass the entrance test in the University of the Philippines, Ms. Ann, the officer-in-charge, said that we do not guarantee that, as it also depends on the performance of the student. The client didn't like her answer and asked what's the point of enrolling his son in a review center if we can not guarantee that he would pass, so Ms. Ann answered, it will increase his son's chances of being admitted to the university of his choice, only if he cooperates and works hard.

The client started to rant about how useless and expensive our program is, and that if it will depend on his son's 'work' then why would he enroll him in a review center after all. All of us are getting annoyed then, we wanted to tell him that nobody is forcing him to enroll, and if he believes his son will pass the test without the review then we don' t advise him to do so. But we kept our cool, and acted the way a professional would, we just waited for him to leave, but he didn't. He kept telling us that if it will depend on the student, then the review wouldn't help at all, why would he pay P15,000? All he asks he is a guarantee. Something that we could NEVER give. So, our officer-in-charge thought of something to keep the client quiet. She offered to give the client's son the mock test. The mock test is normally given after the review program to assess whether the student learned something or not. It also indicates the student's chances of making it to the school of his choice.

Ms. Anne said that if his son gets 80% (and above) from the mock test, then WE GUARANTEE that he will pass the entrance test in the University of the Philippines. But if he gets less than 50%, then maybe he needs the review after all. The client agreed. His son took the test the following day, and despite our busy schedule, one of us found time to check the paper when he was done. The son got 39%.

The client lowered his voice all of a sudden and asked for our price list again. He looked at it and sadly walked away murmuring about how expensive the review is..

The review really doesn't guarantee that a student will pass an entrance test, but it surely increases his chances only IF he works as hard to help himself as we do to help him, and it is simply NOT FAIR to say that it is USELESS, when there are tutors like us who stay late at night trying to find some ways to make the lessons easier and more understandable..

Busy Mom, Busy Son

A mom inquired about our reading program for the summer. Since we have various programs for different levels and ages, I volunteered to assess the reading skills of the boy to find out which program is right for him. I found out that he already knows all the letters of the alphabet. So, I told mom which program to enroll him to.

She brought out her wallet and asked when the boy would start, so we answered 'on April 4.' She was aghast. She asked for a sooner schedule but we said that was the soonest as we are still waiting for some more enrollees. So, she asked if the boy could avail of the tutorial instead of the class. We said we don't offer tutorial on summer as we need to accommodate as many enrollees as we can (parents normally take advantage of the summer to enroll their children for extra lessons).

She put up her hands in desperation and said...

'What are the other programs? Give him any program. Give him anything you got. Anything that will keep him out of the house. I don't want him around the house. I couldn't stand having him in the house. He's a menace...'

I was shocked. Here I am, dying to be with my children every minute of my life and there she is, couldn't stand two weeks with her 5-year old boy. I was not able to answer right away. That was one of the very rare moments that I couldn't find anything to say. So, our officer-in-charge took over and said that all of our programs will start in April.

Accepting defeat, she borrowed a pen and filled out the enrollment form. She paid in full and with a smile in her beautiful face thanked us and told us that maybe she would enroll the boy to swimming lessons first, and then they walked away...

As they went, the boy knocked down some of the books in display and stuck out his tongue at us.. Uh-oh! Nice summer ahead..

Left But Not Broken

Jena* is in her early 40s. She got married in her early 20s and had a son and a daughter, both of whom are almost grown up now.

Jena is one formidable woman, smart, organized and tough. She wants everything her way. Her schedule is usually fixed and anything that hinders her goals must be taken care of. She is a local ‘iron lady’ and she exercises her ultimate, unquestionable and unchallenged power over her husband and two children. Her ‘subjects’ have no choice except to do what she wants. The fact that she’s the one earning more money renders her husband speechless especially when she started ranting about how a person should live, frugal, industrious and firm. And these ranting never stop, regardless of who’s within earshot, so her husband always finds himself embarrassed and pitied by any one around.

For Jena, her plans and her decisions are flawless. So, when she forced her husband to work abroad, he endured the difficulties and loneliness just so he could comply with her plans for the entire family. Her children have no choice either. There is only one school for them, the school of her choice.

About 2 years ago, when her husband came home from a finished contract abroad, she got him ready to apply for another contract, regardless whether he still wants to stay and enjoy the time with his family. She got all his papers ready and gave him enough money for medical checkup. He never came back..

His reason, I learned and long expected, was that.. He'd had enough.

Jena was left but not broken. With her two children to raise, her will power is still as strong as ever. How long until her children have enough, I have no idea. But hopefully, they won’t come to that..

*not real name

A Child is Human

Jana* (Could Not Buy Consideration) is only 8 years old. She is in grade 2. She is our regular student in the tutorial center and she comes almost everyday. She is always brought by her overly demanding mother.

We are actually wondering why Jana is always brought to the center as she is smart enough. She doesn't need a tutor. But her mom usually answers, 'She got 2 mistakes in her test. I don't like that. I like a perfect score.' To that, we have nothing more to say.

As the school year is nearly through. Jana comes every afternoon for a 2-hour tutorial. But one day, the girl spoke in a very weak voice. 'Mama, I'm so sleepy...' and indeed, she was. She could barely open her eyes. So, I told the mom that I think Jana needs to rest and to come back next time when the girl is all right. But mom answered 'No, she's just acting up..' (Nag iinarte lang yan.) I turned to our Officer-in-Charge but her look told me to take the girl in. So, I did.

I asked Jana if she is ok and why she is so sleepy. She said she usually wakes up at 4am, her mom teaches her for 30 minutes, then she would prepare to go to school as her class starts at 6am. After her class, she comes to our center for 2-hour tutorial. And after this she goes home to be tutored by her aunt. She would eat dinner and study again until 9pm, then she sleeps. That's the way it is every day.

I looked at Jana and saw an unhappy, smelly, uncombed and exhausted girl with an inconsiderate mother. I didn't like what I saw. I went to the faculty room and cried. That was one of those times that I feel helpless and useless. Jana didn't need us, she needed rest, and we can't give it to her..

*not real name

A Prima Donna in the Making

Chelle* is 17 years old. She has stopped studying 2 years ago. Now, she wants to go back to school.  But since she didnot finish her fourth year in High School, she has to take the PEPT (Philippine Educational Placement Test). If she passed, the Department of Education will allow her to enroll in college.

When I asked her why she stopped, she simply said she got sick and had to  stay at home. She is actually smart. She learns easily and she is inquisitive enough to ask about those she couldn't understand. I was positive about her passing the Placement Test. Then, she stopped coming to class. We were curious. We texted her mother and grandmother to inquire about her, they texted back that she's not feeling well. We felt sorry for her.

We were surprised when her grandmother showed up. She said that the review was too much for Chelle, and that we, tutors, must make it easy for her as she is a sickly child. She was almost saying that we 'scare Chelle' away that's why the girl wouldn't want to come. She said her grand daughter is really smart and that we were doing it all wrong. She said we must lavish the girl with praises and tell her how smart she is and that she's doing a good job.

Then she asked us to call Chelle, she said that it's our responsibility to encourage the girl to come to class and finish the review. . She told us to plead to Chelle to come.

To this I raised my eyebrows. Yes, I know we have to encourage everyone to study, to learn. But I won't plead to a certain girl to come just because her family can't make her come. Maybe the girl is used to being praised, to being waited upon, to being cooed and petted, but it's not for us to do it.

Besides, she's 17, she's old enough to know how important education is that she doesn't need any cajoling from anyone. Unless of course if her family was not able to impart that IMPORTANCE to her..

*not real name

The Widow

Tessie* is 38. She’s been a widow for almost 3 years now. At 38, she has no profession, no field of expertise, no definite interest, no group of friends, and no idea what’s going to happen to her in the near future.

She ran away with Jim when she was just a 19-year old Radiology student. Consequently, she didn’t finish her college education, a fact which was soon overlooked as she was married to a successful businessman 10 years her senior.

Since her husband could well afford to support her all by himself, Tessie was never required to work nor to consider any means of earning money. That served just fine by her because she was well provided for. What’s not fine, however, was the fact that her husband never took her nor their children to the office, nor introduce them to other people, employees and clients alike. Tessie and the children never attended any business gathering held in their own company. She never met any one, never stepped on the office and never knew how any thing in the office operates. When she tried to ask his husband why that was, her husband simply answered “There’s no need for you to go there.”

Tessie kept quiet. That was, after all, TRUE. And since she never left the house except to shop for grocery, she never owned a decent dress. When she told her husband about it, instead of giving her money,  Jim bought a dress himself and presented it to Tessie. Needless to say, she never owned a single penny.

No money, no friends, no exposure, no freedom. Tessie held her own. But what broke her heart was the extension of Jim’s oppression to her children.

When Jim died of aneurism, Tessie tried to take over the management of the company. But without any loyal employee left to trust, in addition to her ignorance of its operation, the company inevitably collapsed leaving Tessie no choice but to sell it except for the building that used to house it. She was saving it for her children.

She had it rented and the rental was enough to support her and her 2 children. After 3 years, nothing has changed. In absence of any skill and any professional experience in any field, Tessie was not able to find any job. She knows she has to do something instead of wait for a day to pass after another, but she doesn’t know where and how to start.. :(

*Not real name

The Most Awaited Ram

Ram* is 6 years old. He is going to take the Grade School Entrance Test in Ateneo University, one of the best schools here in the Philippines. He enrolled in our review program and was expected at the center early this week. Unfortunately, he didn't come. And when he finally showed up, he was late.

I took Ram right away to the room where he was going to take the assessment test. But he wouldn't want  mommy to go. So, mom promised to buy him an iPod if he's a good boy. But Ram still didn't want to take the test saying that he doesn't know what to do. I found out that doesn't read that well yet. I asked from which school he is from, mom said from the school inside their subdivision. Oh, ok then...

Mom left but asked me fist if Ram's nanny is allowed to stay with him, I said yes for now. The moment mom left, Ram started to act up. He didn't want to answer his test and kept on calling his nanny's name. He even dropped his pencil on purpose and ordered his nanny to pick it up. And to my surprise, the old woman, about 50 I guess, really got up from her chair to pick up the pencil. But I was fast, I said no it's ok. I looked at Ram, asked him where his pencil was, told him to pick it up as I helped him out of his chair.HE DID.

Feeling defeated, Ram sulked on his seat as I explained each item to him. I can feel he wasn't happy. He kept on complaining how 'plenty' the test was and that he didn't know how to do it. For the most part, he just guessed.

When mom came back, I explained how the test went including how her son behaved. But to this, she just smiled and assured me how good his son is and that he is just not used to having me around. Before they left, I noticed Ram's undid shoelaces and pointed it to mom.

Mom called the nanny and ordered her to do it...

Oh boy....

*not real name

'Praise Me' Kid

Jaja* is 4 years old. Maybe she's not the prettiest girl but she sure is smart. She is a typical talkative girl that other people may find endearing.

What I like less (not dislike) about Jaja is her fan's club. Well, what do you call a group of 8 people (mother, father, 2 sets of grandparents, an aunt and a nanny) doting on and verbally expressing their admiration to the little girl? I call it fans.

Contradictory to my recommendation, they enrolled Jaja in our reading program. So, three times a week, Jaja comes to our center.  With her is her entourage who spend their time talking about how smart she is and how bright her future is going to be, and so on and so forth. Well, the girl is smart all right. But she is impatient, typical of a child her age.

I can make her work for 15 minutes, but after that, she would devise excuses like going to the loo (she goes there twice in an hour), dropping her pencils and crayons on the floor and pretending to erase non-existing writings on her paper. Why am I not surprised? It's typical.

What's not typical, though, was Jaja's request to me one time, or was it a command? She said, 'Teacher, tell me I'm very good.'

Huh?? I was surprised. Coming from a 4 year old, it was.. unnatural. I didn't know what to make of it, only, that this child is being raised a pampered and conceited girl who would grow up to be.. well, I don't know.

Don't get me wrong. I give her what is due her. I say 'Good job!' for a good job and 'Well done!' for a job well done. Only, I say it when I really mean it..

It's okay to encourage kids. Letting them know they are good at something boosts their confidence. We should, however, be careful not to OVERDO it..

*not real name