A Memory: The Local Fair

Every year, one of the most awaited events in our town is the fiesta which is celebrated during the summer after the first onion harvest season. For kids like us, what we waited for most of all was the arrival of ‘perya’ the local town fair. And when it did, we had our best days.

One time, however, as my sister and I was having fun shooting coins on one of the game tables, we suddenly heard a commotion and in a very short while everybody was running around. My sister, Liz grabbed my wrist and we ran as fast as we could. Though we didn’t know what we were running away from, we didn’t stop, neither did we look back. Even when we could see the light in our billiard hall from a distance, we didn’t even slow down.

When we finally got home, my sister finally released my wrist and we sat down. Nobody spoke at first. Only when we realized that all of the billiard players including our father were staring at us with confused looks, we broke into a fit of laughter until we were both in tears. We told the story, rather, what little we knew about it, in between laughing bouts.

I never felt safer in our billiard hall than that particular moment.

Later, we learned that the cause of the commotion were two drunk men who pushed each other and fell over leading to a ‘domino effect.’ So, no one was chasing us after all :)

No Reasons, No Bounds

Some people have fallen in and out of love more times than is healthful while other people thought they’ve been in love when they actually haven’t.

Love has its own reason.

So, no one can reason with love. If someone loves somebody because he is good looking, or smart or even kind, then that is a conditional kind of love. What if he loses his good looks in an accident, or screwed up due to some stupid mistake or became cantankerous because of sudden bout of illness?

We love a person not for what he is or what he can do. We love a person for what he makes us feel. Do our hearts flip with the sight of him? Do we feel a burning longing with his touch? Do we hear music when he laughs? Do we feel comforted by his presence alone? And most importantly, do we expect anything in return? Because true love never does. It is content with doing what will benefit our love the most. And when everything went wrong, we stay beside him no matter what and became the only thing left that is right.

Love has no bounds.

How far can we go for the one we love?

For as far as it takes. We don’t stop when the going gets tough nor do we doubt the rightness of our actions. It doesn’t really matter whether we do wrong or right, what it all boils down to is that it is right for the person we love even if it means pushing him up, pulling him down or letting him go.

So do we know of anyone, anyone at all, who loves someone that much?

Another Pathetic Scene..

Imagine falling in love at 16. It was the time when you thought that your heart beats only for that person and you live for love and by love alone. It seems that your world will cease to exist when you get separated from your love. You can’t wait to get married and live with your love and start your life with him.

Now, imagine having that same young beating heart broken with dreams shattered and whole being numb with disillusion. It didn’t really matter whose fault it was. The pain was so overwhelming you wanted to shut everyone out of your life. The only way to bear the burden and keep on living was the hope that someday this person who hurt you would come crawling back to you. And you waited. And waited..

Time passed by and this person, indeed,  came back to you still as dashing as the first time you saw him. But his smile held no promise and his voice devoid of romantic notion but the casual tone of a long lost friend. But you were too overwhelmed you didn’t notice. So, there you were again, offering yourself like a lamb on a wreathed platter making it all too clear that you were expecting absolutely nothing in return. That you were giving all you have (again) for the plain and simple reason as, the mythical, unconditional love. This time, letting go was way way easier than the first time, because no expectations were set and no goodbyes were said, just parting of ways as conventional as see you when I see you.

Several more years passed and this same love came knocking at the door of your now quiet and contented heart. With the said heart steadied by pain accumulated over the years and matured by years fate had blessed you, you let this familiar stranger as you offer friendship for the sake of the classic old times, but only to find yourself as helpless and as besotted as your 16year old self who was ready to bare both heart and soul in the name of stupid, deceiving, scheming and ruthless love. But no amount of name calling would do, because in the end, you’re still the willing and pathetic victim of this concept known universally as love which very few people have found.

Not enlightening, but quite entertaining because almost everybody can relate to this tale which is as common as night and day.

A Piece of Paper

Winnie* is a gentle and quiet woman. She is very timid but hard working. She only had elementary education because she had to help her mother take care of her siblings. At 13 years old, she started going with her mother to do the laundry of well-to-do families in their place, and at 16 she was sent by her mother to a family in the city to work as a housemaid.

Winnie didn’t know any other life aside from what her mother introduced to her. Occasionally, she would be permitted to go home in the province to spend time with her family.

Some time in 2002, I was a visitor in their house. One afternoon, I was awoken from my nap by a worried voice. It was Winnie’s. I went out to check what the commotion was about. Beside Winnie’s was her youngest brother, Jack, with eyes swollen from weeping while in Winnie’s hand was a piece of paper I presume to be the reason of all of these. I asked her what it was so she handed it to me.

I looked at the paper and found out that it was a formal request for Jack’s FORM 137 from his former school. Before I was able to talk, Winnie started yelling at Jack asking what he did wrong in school. Jack answered ‘nothing’ and I’m sure it wasn’t the first time he said that. Winnie, unappeased, yelled louder

‘Then why did your teacher send us a letter!’

So, I interfered. I said that Jack didn’t do anything wrong then explained what the letter was about and what they were supposed to do about it. Winnie stopped yelling and Jack stopped crying and was finally allowed to play outside.

That was already 12 years ago. Why I couldn’t get over it, that I don’t know.

Sad, right? :(

*not real name

The Timetable

When I was in college, I met two law students. They have been sweethearts for five years at that time. They looked so good together that I believed that they’d end up in marriage.

Julia* was a sweet girl, smart and very compassionate and Dante* was goal oriented and organized. Julia believed in fate and chances and coincidences while Dante believed in planning, alternatives and schedules. When Julia was young, she wanted to be a princess, then a doctor, then a nun but decided on being a lawyer when she grew up. Dante, on the other hand, had his life mapped out when he was in high school. He would graduate from high school at 16, finish prelaw at 20, graduate from Law school at 24, pass the bar exam and become a lawyer at 25, work for the government for 2 years, get married and enter politics at 27 and be a congressman in the long run.

It was such a nicely, laid-out plan. And it seems like he was right on schedule. But when he failed the bar exam on his first take, we thought he would realize that a person’s life can never be planned out that neatly. He was, however, undaunted, he took the exam the following year and passed.

So, his career as a public servant began with the next goal in mind, to get married with another lawyer and pave his way to politics. But a person may plan for his life but he could never do that to someone else’s. Julia failed the bar on first take.. and on second.

Dante was running out of time. He had to get married with another lawyer at 27 years of age. So, when he met another lawyer at work, he broke up with Julia and married a woman he barely knew.

Beverly seems to be the perfect wife for Dante. She was pretty and smart. But she lacked Julia’s natural compassion and spontaneity. What more, he started to realize how warm hearted Julia was compared to Beverly. Consequently, he became distant from his wife who seemed to hardly notice.

Then, in one of their reunions, Dante came across Julia who, by then, already passed the bar and was a lawyer herself. As they talked, Dante thought of how perfect Julia would be as a politician’s wife. She was witty, attentive and naturally caring.

That night, Dante went home with a heavy heart. He looked back at his timetable which he dedicatedly followed and came out as the sad, discontented man he was.

 *not real names

Mine is Bigger than Yours

As I was rushing for work last week, I got on one of the local tricycles in our subdivision. The driver was polite and somehow more cautious than the other drivers.

After I told him where to, he started the tricycle and off we went. It was just like an ordinary day, only with more rain than usual. As we were nearing the FX terminal, we can see the traffic building up ahead of us. The driver tried to find some ways to make it faster, but made sure that we’re not violating any traffic rules. He remained in our ‘right-of-way’ (in which he refer to the right lane) but alert for any chance of going further.

We were both surprised, therefore, when a shiny gray car from behind forced itself ahead of us. The driver honked at us to move over. Wondering what we can do in such a situation, I asked the tricycle driver what the car wanted us to do, and he answered ‘the driver wants us to pull back so he can force his way through.’ I found that irrational since we were already there, he just needs to wait for the traffic to move so he can have the space he longed for. We ignored the honking and waited.

After 2 minutes, the line moved along and the gray car was now alongside us. The driver rolled his window down and yelled at us.. “You should have moved over, you’re just a TRICYCLE” (Dapat umurong ka, tricycle ka lang eh..) then sped past us.

Wheeww! What an impressive shiny gray car with an impolite egocentric unreasonable and discriminating driver..

I looked at the tricycle driver and he looked back with an expression that says “All in a day’s work.”

First Broken Heart

Among my very close friends in college was Marge*. She was one late bloomer and at the time, it seemed like she wouldn’t bloom at all.

She didn’t smoke, she didn’t drink, she didn’t date. Generally, she just.. watched. We, on the other hand, never got tired of provoking her into doing something.. well, wild(?) but she never did.

Then, she met George*. He was one of those wholesome guys who were easy to love. He was, as I said, wholesome, he was funny, he was average and most importantly, at the time, he was good looking. Naturally, we matched her with Marge and as we hoped for, they clicked.

They looked good together. They seemed to be having fun. And they were happy. Yes, they were, until we heard the news that George’s parents were going to marry him to someone they chose for him. It was… painful. For Marge, for George, for us..

We were hurt. We were angry. We had to blame someone. So we blamed George. We blamed him for letting his parents manipulate him. We told him how it wasn’t supposed to be that way, that if he get married, it must be with someone he loves, not necessarily Marge, but at least someone he chose for himself, and not someone somebody else chose for him.

Two days before the wedding, a haggard George showed up at Marge’s house. He was asking her to run away with him. But Marge wouldn’t Couldn’t. They were only 19, they had no job, what kind of future would they have. Dejected, George went on with the wedding leaving Marge with a broken heart.

For years, Marge stayed away from guys. She didn’t entertain any idea of romantic relationship and worked herself out. Our friends got married, I got married, which left Marge all the more alone and sad than she already was. She woke up one morning and realized she was already in her mid 30s and still single. And it was all because of that, now ancient, broken heart.

So, we couldn’t contain our elation when she finally met Mr. Right and got married herself. We seldom see her nowadays, but we presume she’s happy, after all, she deserves to be..

 *not real names

Aim Far and High

Jiji* is from an impoverished  family in the province. As far as I know, she was not able to go to college because of lack of money. She felt scared that she might end up just like some of her childhood friends who got married and have children at their teens. So, she never stopped dreaming of wonderful things that might happen to her. She started looking for jobs, but for a high school graduate, it wasn't at all easy. So, she began to consider working abroad as a Domestic Helper. She inquired about the requirements and began procuring them one by one.

When she was able to complete the requirements, she went to Manila to submit her papers. Everything went fine except for one simple problem. She ran out of money. She was totally and completely broke that she called up her cousin in Malate, Eden,  if she can borrow enough money to go home. Her cousin, a singer in a club, invited her to spend the night.

When she arrived at her cousin's house, however, she found that Eden was down with fever and asked her if she can take over her set that night. Jiji, a good singer herself, thought for a while and decided that it's not such a bad idea to give it a try. So, she went. Clueless of what to do, she just sang those songs she knew while Eden's co-band members gave her words of encouragement. Until a man from the audience requested a particular song, "Sana'y Wala Ng Wakas" by Sharon Cuneta. Knowing the song by heart. Jiji sang the song and was thrilled to death when the man gave him P500 for tip (this happened about 15 years ago) more than the amount she needed to go home.

Jiji, didn't go home the following the day, or the day after that. It took her a week until she finally decided to go home to tell her parents her intention of staying in Manila to be a band singer. Today, Jiji and her band perform abroad. Last I heard, they are in China..

Jiji is my cousin and though we seldom see each other, I'm very happy for her and  wish her and her band the best of luck..

*not real name

Pathetically Yours

If I were a guy, one of the things I might not stand would be pathetic girls.

My friend, Arra*, had always been a sensible, tough gal. At least that’s how I’ve known her. So, I was surprised when I learned that she fell madly and hopelessly in love.

As I heard it, she turned into the most overly jealous and possessive girlfriend of the 21st century. She would nag her boyfriend like crazy, but when the guy has had enough and try to break it off with her, she would drop on her knees and beg him not to go.

I think it’s kind of irrational and I never, in my wildest imagination, thought, she would turn out to be like that. But she did. Another proof that the only constant in this world is change. When I packed enough courage to ask her why she was like that, she flashed me with the bitterest smile I’ve ever seen and said she didn’t know. And that she was surprised herself when she ends up pleading and begging her boyfriend not to leave her.

Well, I can’t say it was love. I prefer to call it obsession. And I don’t like it a bit.

*not real name

The Saleslady in the Ring Stand

Before my eldest daughter graduated from high school, what she wanted as graduation gift was a RING. Since I know my daughter is not much into jewelry, I was happy to give her one.

I started looking around, and when I saw something to my liking, I asked the saleslady if I could see it up close. The girl was sincerely happy to assist me. I checked it out and felt that my daughter would absolutely love it. I asked for the price but when I was told, I realized that I didn’t have enough money. So, I gave the ring back to the girl whose expression went sour upon learning that I wouldn’t buy it after all. I explained that I didn’t have enough cash and that I would be back the next day. The girl simply gave me a fake smile.

As I was going home, I noticed that the line of people in the ATM was short. I took my chance and withdrew money so that I could buy the ring. I went back to the ring stand as soon as I got the money. As I got near it, I saw the saleslady with her back on me. She was talking with her co-worker about… ME.

She told her about shoppers who keep on saying they will come back when they really have no intention of doing so. She also mentioned shoppers who check on things but actually don’t have money, like the one who just left (referring to me), that they just want to try things on.

She almost fainted when I spoke behind her and said..

“I’m back, miss.. I’ll take the ring.”

Obviously, she knew that I heard her. So, all the time that we were doing the transaction, she was so pale, maybe due to embarrassment or I really scared her when I abruptly talked behind her.

I was somehow surprised that I didn’t feel offended. Probably because I know that what she said was somehow true. And looking at the girl’s pale face, I knew how uncomfortable she felt. So, I made my purchase as short as possible, thanked her and smiled sincerely at her, then left…

A Memory: One Dark One

Operating a billiard hall is not always fun. If you are not as level-headed as my father was, you won't last in the business for more than 30 years. For one, the billiard hall is not the quietest place in the world. But if you're practically living in it you'll get used to it. So used that you'll sleep amidst the yelling and the bantering and the cursing and the punching when it comes to that. Though 'brawl' is technically part of the billiard hall, I remember very few such incidents. That's why I will never forget one particular dark night.

It was Aug. 24, 1990. We just celebrated my grandmother's last birthday in the Philippines. We just finished eating and were cleaning up when we heard noises from the billiard hall. We came closer to find out what's going on.

A drunk man was confronting one of our players. It seems like they had a former misunderstanding. We knew both of them. They were both locals of our town. The 'drunk' was known to be a nuisance while the 'player' was the former Sangguniang Kabataan (SK) chairman and was known for his scholastic standing.

As a crowd started to gather, my father got between the two men and very diplomatically explained that it was not the time nor place to bring out whatever dispute they had as the 'drunk' was obviously intoxicated beyond reason. So, he asked him to leave and go home and added that he may come back when he is sober that they can talk things over. The 'drunk' silently left and everything got back to normal, or so we thought.

The 'player' stayed for another game. After that, he humbly apologized to my father, thanked him and left together with his friends. My father, exhausted after the incident, packed up and closed for the night then all of us went to bed.

After barely an hour, we heard distant yelling and smashing and cracking and moaning followed by an eerily haunting silence. The succeeding events are a blur to me. All I know is that I never saw the 'drunk' or the 'player' ever again. The 'drunk' was buried after a week and the 'player' was rumored to flee to nobody-knows-where..

A Memory: Basty, the Brag

I've always thought operating billiards was one of the coolest businesses in the world. For one, guys are pouring by the dozen and second and probably unknown to many, billiard hall is the source of the hottest and juiciest gossips in town :D .

Basty* was the 'shortest' (he stood 4 feet and 11 inches) BRAG in our place. And for me, he has the BIGGEST MOUTH of all. He had this habit of staying in our billiard hall, sit for hours and talk non-stop. What about? HE, HIS, HIM and HIMSELF.. Annoying, right?

It was one of those ordinarily boring days. Basty was talking about his new girlfriend. The new girl from another town. He talked about her as if she was an angel who chose to stay on Earth because of him. He also talked about his rivals, who 'never stand a chance' with him. After all, he is gregarious, talented and highly educated. He is a graduate of Bachelor of Elementary Education, by the way.

Every single day, he would drone on and on about this rare perfection of a girl whom only he deserves.  Oblivious of our bored and annoyed faces, he doesn't seem to get tired of talking about her.

Then one day, the sizzling news hit the billiard hall like a meteorite. The girl was caught in the act of obscenity with the balut vendor behind the old gradeschool building :o . It took almost a month for the issue to finally die down.

And Basty? We didn't see him for about.. 6 months? :(

Bitter Is as Bitter Does

My friend, Gina*, has always been.. traditional. Though smarter than she looks, Gina always believed in the traditional structure of society, that is, father provides for the family while mother stays at home and takes care of the children. So, when she met her first (and last) boyfriend when we were in college, she thought they would end up in marriage and have six children.

Naturally, she was extremely devastated when her boyfriend ‘dumped’ her for a prettier and younger girl. Life, for her, became the bitterest of pill to swallow. She cast herself out of the circulation, refusing to see and talk to even her closest of friends including me.

Eighteen long years had passed and we saw each other on Facebook. I was apprehensive and I had reason to be. Then a get-together was set up and we finally got to talk to her again. She admitted to us how bitter she had been. But the worse part was that she didn’t know it until two weeks ago when she saw her ex on FB. Then, she started to open up herself to old friends, starting to chat with them online and send them text messages. Only then did she realize how MUCH she missed and she only has herself to blame.

Now, at 39, she finally got over the dumping incident and she is now ready to face the world and open her heart for love that she still hopes will come her way, hopefully sooner.

*not real name