The TEACHER, Her HUSBAND and THE YOUNGER WOMAN

Mrs. Carlos* is one of the most respectable people in our town. She was my English teacher in high school. She is one of my mentors.

About 5 years ago, I learned that her husband went philandering and was having a relationship with a woman my age (31 at the time). I felt sad for my teacher. But when I got a chance to visit her, she seemed to be doing just fine. She looked… older, yes, but she was still the formidable teacher I remember her to be.Everyone knew that she was aware of her husband’s ‘affair,’ but she remained as gentle as she was. If she had changed in any way, I’m sure I would learn of it.

Her husband, as if proud to have seduced a younger woman, seems to be shameless of he was doing. The younger woman, a personal acquaintance of mine, was just as shameless as my teacher’s husband. Together, they made our once quiet and typical small town sensational.

Last year, however, I received a text message from a friend. She said, in case I was interested, the younger woman left my teacher’s husband for someone younger and more financially well-off.

Well.. was I surprised? NOT AT ALL…

My teacher? I was happy to see her on Facebook. I was even happier when she accepted my friend request and I was completely elated when she answered my birthday greeting early this month with.. ‘Tnx, anak’

*not real name

What's NOT DIFFICULT?

Since all of our review classes for the College Entrance Test have ended and we are no longer opening another class, all inquiries about the review are offered the tutorial program which is about 50% more expensive than the class. Some parents who believe that their children need the review before taking the actual test avail of the program regardless of the cost.

One such parent is Riza's*. Her mother, convinced that Riza needs the review more than the girl wants to admit enrolled her under the tutorial class. So, she took the assessment test, which runs for 2 hours, then she attended the first session. We didn't notice anything out of the ordinary during that time. So, we were kind of curious when she didn't show up for the next session, and the next, and the next...

2 days ago, I was informed that Riza was no longer continuing her program. I was astounded. We, teachers, believe that she really needs the program and she's doing quite well. So, we asked the receptionist why. Well, it seems like Riza was overwhelmed by the difficulty of the review. But of course it is difficult, what does she expect, a picnic on the hill?

According to the receptionist, Riza was 'scared.' That left us more curious than we already were. Scared of what? Of the review materials? Of us teachers? Of the actual test? Whatever she is afraid of, dropping the program wouldn't help. Obviously, the mother did not expound on the reason for her daughter's dropping out. It was either she believes Riza's fear is justifiable, she's used to Riza's weakness or she simply has a lot of money to spend.

I honestly would like to know why the girl dropped out. Are we really that scary? If we are, maybe the mom would talk with us first to brief us on how to handle Riza without scaring her. But she is already 15, and we don't grow fangs and tails when we teach. Well, if Riza is one of those kids who quit when things get tough, then dropping the program may make it worse. Anyway, that's just an opinion. If the girl doesn't want to continue with the program, of course we would respect her decision as we do to anyone else.

"As an individual gets older, things get tougher and the world gets harsher. I do believe we couldn't shield our children from every single harm that might befall them. What we can only do is to help them develop courage and faith in themselves, in their family who loves them and in the LORD who helps them every step of the way.." :)

*not real name

A Hostile Call

Aside from the comprehensive review for the high school entrance test, we also offer refresher courses which, unlike the comprehensive which include lectures and detailed explanation of each item, consists of different types of tests. The purpose of which is to get the student ready for the actual test. We see to it that the distinction between the two programs is explained to the client before we process the enrollment. But since the fee for the comprehensive review is twice as much as the refresher course, some parents prefer the cheaper and shorter program.

Early last month, a parent called us complaining about how we handle our refresher course. She said that her daughter did not understand anything because we didn't give any lecture. She also asked what kind of review do we offer that we just gave out exams and the students have to do the hard work while the teachers are paid for watching the students take the exams.

The teacher who answered the phone explained why there was no lecture, at the same time countered what the client said about 'teachers being paid while watching.' He made it clear that though we just gave out exams, we explain the answer to each item but we don't expound on the basic. (eg. 'the answer is letter b. gerund because a gerund is formed by putting verb+ing together and that it is used as noun' but we don't explain that gerund is a verbal which is verb in form but functions as other part of speech like noun, adjective and adverb)

The parent  ranted on about her daughter's being an honor student in her school and asked why she got less than half of the number of items. She said we are all incompetent and that she wanted a refund, apparently forgetting that the form she signed states that payments are 'non-refundable.' And after stressing the fact that we don't start our lessons with a prayer, she slammed the phone down.

We got ourselves ready with our explanation and evaluation of the student who was actually mediocre and not exceptionally bright like the mother claims. She didn't come..

People have a tendency to overreact especially if the one concerned is a person they care about. It is not, however, an excuse to judge and belittle other people whom they never even met..

When Is The Time for LOVE

My grade 2 teacher, Mrs. Montero* was married to an overseas contract worker. They had 3 kids, all of them are girls. The oldest, Farah, was my classmate from grade 1 to 4th year high school. I’ve always thought they were wealthy. After all, they were among the very few people with concrete houses in our small town.

I used to play with Farah when we were young and I can still remember how overwhelmed I was with their collection of toys. They had the coolest toys in town, a pair of telephone, a small organ, various stuff toys, rubix cube and tile puzzles. The 3 sisters were dressed fashionably, complete with accessories and scents. I was AWED..

I was already in college when I got the whole picture. Mr. Montero worked abroad to support their daughter’s education from grade school to college. He was normally gone for 5 years with 2 months vacation between contracts. When their youngest daughter had finished her Bachelor’s degree, Mr. and Mrs. Montero concluded that it was time for the former to come home for good. I can imagine how happy they were with the idea of finally being together, together in the real sense of the word.

So, I was shocked and saddened when I learned that Mrs. Montero passed away about 2 years after her husband’s return.

I can’t help counting the time Mr. and Mrs. Montero lived together. I can’t help but feel that it was short. And the more I think of that, the more thankful I am for the number of years I already spent with my husband..

*not real name

Dear Ma,

This is an open letter to my mother originally posted on my old blog in May 2011...

Dear Ma,

I would like to tell you how much I miss you.. I miss being with you and talking with you. I wanted to tell you a lot of things. First of which is how difficult it is for me to be a mother, that sometimes I'm no longer sure if I'm doing it right. There are times that I'm just too tired after a long day at work that I tend to snap at my kids over petty things like dirty feet and long fingernails. Sometimes, I feel that I'm not paying much attention that I was shocked when I saw my youngest's book with several pages of 'DO THIS' stamped on them. When I asked him why he wasn't able to do everything, he answered because I didn't help him. I keep on missing events in school. I can't even remember the last time I attended a PTC. I missed my youngest's Family Day, my middle child's Field Day and my eldest child's card distribution day. One time, I got angry at my younger daughter for being so long in front of the computer only to find out that she was doing a research in school. My eldest missed the Prom in her senior year because she got sick due to over fatigue. How did I let that happen? I can no longer remember..

Believe me, I'm trying my best.. but I keep on making mistakes. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough and I have to try even harder. I can't believe being a mother would be this difficult. It had been easier when they were babies. When all they did were cry when hungry or wet, and sleep and laugh when full and happy. But they got old and they would keep on getting older..

My eldest is going to college in June. I'm scared to let her go.. but I know I have no choice. I wish you were here to tell me what to do just like the old times when I was still young. But I am a mother now, and whoever said 'Mother knows best' wasn't completely right, because I don't. All I ever wanted was to be a good mother. But it seems like it's not that easy to be one..

I miss you so much. I love you... Take care...

Kimmy

Chelsa's Love

I’ve known Chelsa* since we were young. She was carefree, quite boyish and bigger than us. We used to play bending, Chinese garter and hopscotch, on the dusty streets of our hometown.

It was in high school when I noticed how naive Chelsa was. Everything she says, though sensible, sounded ridiculous. Others found her naiveté moronic. I, however, found it endearing.

I was in college when I heard that she was already married and had 3 kids. That was less surprising than the fact that her husband was extraordinarily good looking. He looked like a commercial model beside the plain looking Chelsa. Well, there must be something about Chelsa that got to him.

After a few years, I heard a very sad news. Chelsa’s husband and her older brother got in a brawl in a local club. Though the issue was settled that night, the two disappeared after a week, as in.. just disappeared. Chelsa’s family had an idea who was behind the disappearance but they let the law take over. The investigation, however, didn’t get anywhere. Chelsa, with her heart broken, had no choice but to move on for the sake of her kids.

It has been years. Chelsa’s kids have grown and so has she. She is now working abroad to support her children. She is still single and I have this feeling that she might still be waiting for her lost husband.

Her brain may not be as shrewd as those of others, but her heart is gold and her love is pure. I sincerely hope the best for her..

*not real name

LEE VIRAY CAHILI: Photographer Extraordinaire

Sometime during the mid to late 90s, I met and befriended one remarkable boy. Good looking yet sheepish, talented yet laconic. There is just no way I could possibly describe the simple complexity ofLee Viray Cahili. The least I can do is try.. PRIVATE.. RESERVED... PASSIONATE.

"Don't Peep"

Awarded as the Grand Winner of the Photoworld Cup by the  Federation of Philippine Photographers Foundation during the Photoworld Asia convention, Lee is a true master in his craft. His voiceless masterpieces uncovered all the secrets of his heart. His love for nature, love for his country and the burning desire to make a change and make the world a better place not for himself but for the next generation.

Picture Perfect

Featured in September 2008 issue of the Manila Bulletin Picture Perfect as the Photographer of the Week, Lee described "Effective photographs are those that communicate, those that make viewers drawn to them..." No wonder the impact of his creations penetrates the heart and speaks to the soul with a message so subtle only the most discerning minds could fathom..

"Willed 2008"

Equality, unconditional love, freedom from cultural bondage, respect for privacy and individuality, beauty of youth, beauty of nature are only few of the unwritten messages Lee managed to get across but only to those sensitive enough to perceive the power of his works. His photographs are meant not only to be seen by the eyes but to be felt by the heart..

Lee Viray Cahili

For his students he is 'Master,' for his colleagues he is one accomplished photographer, but for me he is just.. Lee, my friend, Mon pluie..  Because behind the fame, behind the grandeur, behind all the awards... is the 'curious sheepish and charming boy' that is Lee, the boy I used to talk with for hours under the ebak* trees in FEU and whom I will always call.. my friend.

Lee Viray Cahili

Good luck, Lee.. honored to be a friend to you..

(*Much as I tried, I was not able to find out the name of the stinking trees that ornament the FEU campus. I called it 'ebak' tree here not to  mock but because that is what I heard it was called.. )

A Push for Jade

Jade* is an incoming 2nd year college student. She's pretty and very slim. She also has the complexion that thousands of girls are dying for. Physically, Jade looks like a model out of a fashion magazine. When you talk to her, however, she always seems.. DISORIENTED.

She enrolled for the English Enhancement program. I asked her why she needed it and she said that she's not good in English. I found out, eventually, though, that her problem is more and deeper than that. Her self esteem is way way down below. She is very much convinced that she's not good in English. As a result, when asked to write a simple sentence, she would simply say she can't, and the bigger problem is that she doesn't even want to try.

She would normally give me papers with blanks and when asked why she didn't answer some of the questions, she would say she doen't know how. It's obvious that she has very limited English vocabulary, so I recommended that she read books and watch English shows, but she simply said she doesn't understand them.I was getting frustrated. So, I would  sit beside her and coach her and push her little by little so that she would learn to rack her brains for English words that I am sure are just there. With coaching and pushing, she was able to write simple sentences and I felt hopeful. I actually started her with words, then phrases, then clauses, then sentences.

I tried a little more push and gave her a more difficult task, paragraph writing. On her first task, she was able to write 5 sentences only, about 75 words. I didn't lose heart, though. I knew she could do it, she just have to try a little harder. So, I taught her how to make an outline, then gave her another task. She was able to write 3 paragraphs of about 130 words. I knew I was pushing my luck, but I gave her another one, this time she was able to make 4 paragraphs of about 165 words.

Jade has only 2 more sessions, but I do believe that the program did her much good. I just hope that whatever skill she learned from the program she would be able to use in school.

For you, Jade, I wish you all the luck for the coming school year..

*not real name

The Lawyer

I was a first year college student when I met an extraordinary lady. She was a 3rd year law student at the time. She was not just a pretty lady. She was also one of the smartest I met in my entire life. She was, at the time, wooed by numerous beaux from various law schools. Her relationships, though I believe were serious, were all  behind her priorities, her family and her career. A year after her graduation from the Law School, she took the bar exam and passed. We started to call her ‘Attorney…’ I was happy for her and somehow flattered and honored that she was my friend.

As we got older, however, her number of suitors, diminished. I guess it was not because her beauty and charm have faded, I think the reason was that she became a little more intimidating being attorney and all.. Time passed and we parted ways except for occasional text messages.

I got married and had 3 children. My friend? Still single and on top of her career. One time, I had the courage to ask her if she is happy. She isn’t. She’s in her mid 40s and almost passed child bearing years. She normally asks about my kids and doesn’t get tired of saying how lucky I am to have produced 3 when she’s not sure she could even have 1.

She may not admit it to anyone, but deep inside, I believe despite her success with her career, she wanted to have things differently.

Pushy Mom

Arianne* is 4 years old. She just graduated from the Junior Nursery Class and I heard she was the first honor.About two weeks ago, she was brought to the center for assessment so I gave mine and recommeded the program befitting her skills.

Her mom enrolled her right then and there and specifically asked for me as she already heard about me from other parents. I was, somehow, flattered.

Arianne's first day went fine. I was encouraged. But when she came the next day, I was surprised. We normally recommend tutorial reading programs for children below 6 years old to be held 3x a week only, that is every other day. She didn't perform very well that time. It seems as if she forgot everything we read the day before.

I talked to the mother after the session and told her what happened. That's how I learned that Arianne was enrolled in a reading program as preparation for assessment for Kinder 2, which is a level higher than her supposed level, Kinder 1. I was told that she would be accepted in Kinder 2 if she can read. That's when I felt the pressure, for me and for the child. She said, she wanted Arianne in Kinder 2 because the girl's classmates made it in Kinder 2. So... It's a matter of 'my child is better than your child' issue.. I was dismayed.

I gave it another session. Arianne was not getting any better. I talked to her mother to tell her that even if I make her read as a result of the program, I can't guarantee that the girl 'will read' on the assessment day.

The following day, the nanny was the one who brought Arianne to the center. The nanny looked at the girl with compassion. She told me that Arianne felt so tired that the girl even asked her when she is going to rest. I learned that Arianne started to go to school when she was 2 years old and that besides her tutorial with me, she also has a private tutor at home in the afternoon. The girl is simply tired...

I took Arianne in with the intention of talking to her mom at the soonest possible time. I would do what I can for Arianne but I wouldn't push the child to her limits.. After all, SHE IS JUST A CHILD..

*not real name

A Mistake?

As the hot summer season gets hotter, our schedules get more and more complicated. I normally go to work without any idea what's waiting for me there. The only classes I am sure about are my Speech Class and my College Entrance Test Review class. Difficult as they may, I enjoy teaching these classes and I sincerely find them rewarding.

There was, however, something that bothers me. Though, it does not supposed to, it still does. You see, every time I give a test, I asked my students to check their own papers telling them that we practice honesty, and that if they cheat, they are cheating only themselves. I know I really couldn't expect them to be spotlessly honest and that I'm not supposed to feel disappointed if they are not as I gave them a chance to cheat and they might take that chance. Normally, some of them do..

Efren* is a quiet boy. Wearing thick eye glasses and quite corpulent, he seems to be nice. I assessed him to be an average student, not brilliant but learns fast. At the early stage of the program, he seems to be getting grades I expected from an average student. But then, he began getting high scores, higher than his smarter classmates, and they were cheering for him every time I call out his name. I was, at first, happy. But when he couldn't recite in class, I became suspicious. Are the scores he's giving me REAL? At first I felt bad, then eventually I felt sad, sad for Efren. I know I couldn't prove that he's cheating, but I'm absolutely sure that he is especially when he started to give me PERFECT SCORES. I think it was too much. He went too far.

The first thing that came to my mind was to embarrass him in class. I will let him recite so that the class will know that he's a FAKE, but I simply couldn't. I just couldn't break him like that. Maybe he's just one of those unpopular fat boys who were bullied in school because of their physical appearance. Maybe he just did it so that for once he will be popular and looked up to. I wanted to confront him. But what am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to ask? After all I was the one who gave him a chance to be dishonest. I knew I was at a loss, so I just kept on reminding the class how important honesty is and that regardless of the scores they get in the review, what will matter in the end is what they get in the actual test.

So, at the end of the program, as we were about to check their final test, I did what I don't normally do, I asked them to exchange papers. Efren only got half of the total number of items. I was not surprised. His classmates, however, were crestfallen.

I have nothing against Efren and other students like him. But I have to know the truth.. Had I been too wrong to trust them much?

*Not real name

Time To Let Go

Neri* has been to married to Hans* for more than 10 years. She loves Hans and she understands and accepts all of his shortcomings and imperfections. She served him as a good wife and did everything she could to make him happy. And she was happy. Unfortunately, she’s not the one to decide for Hans’s happiness. After more than a decade, Hans left.

Neri’s heart was broken.

How would you feel if someone you loved and cherished with all your heart simply left without any explanation as to why he did that?

But she waited, hoping that Hans would come back to her. And he did, after less than a year.

Neri was filled with happiness. But at the back of her mind lies an unexplainable fear that Hans might leave again someday soon. And he did. About 4 years after he came back, Hans left again. But this time, Neri believes it was for good.

How would you feel if someone left you.. for the second time. What would you think?

Isn’t it time to face the truth? She simply couldn’t make him happy because if she could, why else would he leave?

Neri is now left with the most difficult question..

How and where would she start..

“If you love someone, set him free. If he comes back, he is yours, if he doesn’t, he never has been…”

*not real name