Sweet Love Turned Poisonous

Cathy* was a second year college student when she met Harold*. Just one look at the boy and Cathy’s parents instantly disliked him. He was the epitome of a good-for-nothing guy who looks for all kinds of trouble. Cathy’s parents warned her to stay away from Harold. But just like other teenagers, Cathy didn’t listen.

They kept their relationship a secret. It was fun. And it was easy because her school was situated several miles from home and she and her sister Judy were just renting a boarding house. Cathy didn’t know which was more exciting, keeping their relationship a secret or defying her parents. But then, she suddenly noticed the change in Harold. He started to show aggressive behavior. Then, she began to notice some evidence that Harold was using prohibited drugs. It was then that she realized how right her parents were about her boyfriend. She talked with Harold to break up with him. Harold got mad and hit Cathy.

After a few months, Cathy’s younger sister Judy began to notice Cathy’s constant bruises, but Cathy didn’t want to talk about it. Judy started to worry and called her parents. Her parents came and forced the truth out of Cathy. They found out that not only was she constantly beaten by Harold, but he also extorted money from her. And now she was pregnant.

Cathy’s parents have Harold arrested. They kept the baby and after several months, Cathy gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Cathy went back to school while her mother adopted the baby and named him after them.

*not real name

Letting Go of Worries

One thing I hate about myself is that.. I worry too much. I don’t want to of course, but I can’t help myself. I worry about a lot of things, everything actually.

I always think about my husband who works abroad. I worry that he might get sick because of working too hard. I worry that my eldest daughter might get mugged and hurt on her way from school. I worry that my other daughter will get addicted to Facebook and texting and will fail in all of her subjects in school. I worry that my youngest son will be bullied in school.

On top of that, I worry about not being able to pay my bills. I worry that I won’t be able to send all my kids to college. I worry that I will die young and more other worries that I know are irrational.

No wonder I ended up having a complicated case of hyperacidity which caused laryngitis. Needless to say, I need to lie low on worrying. At first, I didn’t know how to do that. So, I started to pray and asked the Lord to teach me how to stop worrying. Then, it dawned on me what I had been doing all along. I was worrying about everything and not trusting the Lord to take care of things for me.

Since then, the moment I wake up in the morning, I thank the Lord for everything and ask him to take my worries and fears away. I ask him to watch over my loved ones and me. Assured that we are all in good hands, I would do things that I find enjoyable. When the bills come, I would pay them and wouldn’t think whether I would be able to pay next month.

In short, I’m starting to let go of my worries. It’s not easy, believe me, but I’m doing my best and  I do hope that in time, I would learn to live one day at a time and give all my worries to the Lord.

Entangled

Arlene* and Marc* were my classmates in my Caregiver Course. Arlene is an unwed mother. At 21, she was a pretty and hot mother of Sean, 4 years old at that time. Then, Marc came. He was living with Karen and they had 2 kids. Karen’s parents sent Marc to school hoping that he would be able to provide for Karen and the children. But then, Marc met Arlene. Then things got complicated.

Since we knew about Karen, Marc tried to disguise his interest in Arlene as, purely, friendly. But I was too old and had seen too many people with various expressions to know better. But I didn’t ask. First, because it was none of my business. The least I could do was express my concern. Second, because if they consider me a friend, I didn’t need to ask, they would tell me if they wanted to.

Of the two, it was Arlene who was closer to me. And as I expected, she came to me one day and told me about her feelings to Marc and that Marc felt the same way about her. I knew she wasn’t asking me for advice, she was just letting me know what’s going on. Still, I had to have my say. I didn’t take Karen’s side nor Arlene and Marc’s but I reminded them that there were children involved, and not just any other children but THEIRS.

Several months ago,  I saw Arlene and Sean. Arlene was pushing a stroller with a cute baby girl, Marc’s and hers.

Accepting Your Nature

One of the most difficult things in life is knowing your flaws. But more difficult still is accepting those flaws. We may try to change ourselves, which is usually the most sensible thing to do, but more often than not, we end up frustrated.

I was already in college when I realized how disorganized a person I was. I thought at first that I was just too lazy, too lazy to clean up, too lazy to put things back, too lazy to do anything. So, I tried.. and tried… and tried, but I ended hating myself because I couldn’t be as organized as other people.

Then, I started working and I realized that I wasn’t lazy at all. I was a student assistant in my university but in a year that I worked,  I never called in sick, nor did I come to work late. As a matter of fact, I even worked overtime without filing for overtime pay while completing my OJT in Industrial Psychology, writing my thesis and writing my case study in Clinical Psychology. I am, in fact, a hard worker.

When I started to work officially after college, I realized another painful and embarrassing truth, I couldn’t work in a clean and organized surrounding. I was more at home with, yes.. mess.

Needless to say, my table was the most cluttered and messy table in a company of hundreds employees. I tried cleaning it but my attempt at organizing took me only as far as alphabetizing my suppliers’ file, and that’s all. What surprised my boss and my co-workers, however, was that I was always the first to hand in daily, weekly and monthly reports. Not only that, my reports were flawless and user friendly. I could find anything, anything, they asked of me in a matter of seconds, about 2 minutes tops. What more, I could answer every single question they asked of me even without consulting my file which I bring out only for reference, in case they wouldn’t take my word for it.

It doesn’t mean though that I would take being organized for granted. I still believe that other people prefer to be neat and organized but at this point in time, I think I just have to accept what I’m not and use what I am for my advantage.

When Things Get Tough

Pearl* is a distant cousin of mine. We grew up together, and when we got old, our closeness though waned a little, did not completely disappear.

When she fell in love and married Zack*, for some reasons, we were disconcerted. But since all we wanted was her happiness, we had to be happy for her. They seemed happy alright. Zack proved to be a good provider. Pearl was like a queen. She put up a buy and sell business and money lending. Though we didn’t conform with her high interest, we left her alone.

After ten years, Zack crossed paths with his ex-girlfriend. It wasn't long before he left his family to go live with the other woman. So, Pearl had to work to support their three kids,. Then the youngest, a girl of barely a year old, was diagnosed with cancer. Pearl had to sell all the properties she and Zack had acquired. No support came from Zack. It was Pearl alone who took all the responsibilities.

After two years of chemotherapy, the little girl died, leaving Pearl physically exhausted and emotionally battered.

 *not real name

Question Answered

Thirteen years ago, on this same day, my father was reunited with our creator. It was the dreadful big ‘C’. Two years prior to that, both my parents migrated to the United States to live with my sister Liz. It was a dream come true for my father and for a while, he lived the dream and I was happy for him.

I thank the Lord for giving him those two years. But more than that, I thank Him for the last whole month He gave my father so that he could live with us, for the opportunity He gave us to tend to my father’s needs and show my father how much he meant to us.

When my father was laid to his final resting place. I had a question more important than the others. Had I been a good daughter? Had I been smart enough and kind enough? Had I been the daughter he hoped and wanted me to be? Had he been proud of me?

At the time, my children were still very young and they needed my attention. So, I had to get hold of myself, I couldn’t succumb to grief. I had to set aside the pain of losing one of the most important persons in my life. I was not able to mourn for my father properly. So, that question lingered, and it lingers still..

Had I been a good daughter?

Now, as I look at my own children, I think I have the answer. My children may not be the nicest and the smartest kids, but they are mine and I raise them with love and affection only a mother could give, and they are my pride and joy, and that is the answer. Neither technology nor modernization could change what children are to their parents.

I am proud of my children as my father was of me..

The WOMAN

Dory* was a widow with three children when I got to know her. In fairness to her, she was a hard worker. She sold various things from frozen meat to plastic wares. Then she met Dindo* and they got married. Dindo was quiet but very nice. He took Dory and helped her raise her kids. After a few years, Dindo and Dory had two children of their own.

Dindo worked abroad and Dory put up a business. She started a piggery and a poultry. She also bought and sold rice by wholesale. From an impoverished widow, Dory became a cunning businesswoman. But she was still not contented. There was something more she wanted. So, I wasn’t surprised when I learned that Dory got a lover, a handsome police officer who was known to be a womanizer in our town.The affair went on for a few years until Dindo found out. I didn’t know how, but he just did. Dindo broke up with Dory but Dory got to keep the business and the children who received financial support from their father.

After a few more years, Dr. Javier, a physician who has lived in the US for decades has come back in our town. He met Dory when one of her children got sick and was taken to the doctor’s clinic. Dory learned that Dr. Javier was just back in our town for a visit and more importantly, that Dr. Javier was a widow.Before long, it was rumored that they were having an affair. Soon, Dr. Javier went back to the States. After several months, Dory left her children to join him.

As was natural, the townspeople got tired of talking about Dory. And that was when her two younger children left to join their mother and Dr. Javier in the States.

For some reasons, when I think of the word WOMAN, I think of Dory..

 *not real name

Friends for Convenience

By the end of summer, I received a very unexpected call. In my surprise, I grabbed my phone and asked the caller if he really was the name appearing on the screen. Even after he identified himself, I still couldn’t believe I was talking to him.

I learned eventually that he had a problem and he was asking me if I know of someone who could help him. I mentioned a number of people who I thought might do so and even provided him with cellphone numbers. Probably in really deep trouble, he forgot to ask me how I was. Funny, because I was dying to know how he had been.

I met this person more than 20 years ago and we had been friends since. Even after we graduated from college, we still got in touch with each other going out once in a while. He promised he would give me a ride in his very first car, he would take me places I’ve wanted to go, and so on. He was just starting his business at the time.

Then, he was given breaks after breaks. He had been so busy he probably forgot about me. A few years passed and I learned from someone else that he was making it big time. Guess he was making it real big he couldn’t spare a thought for an old buddy. But surprisingly, I didn’t feel bad about being ignored, I was just happy that he got what he’d always dreamed of, that makes one of us, right?

Then, after almost a decade, I received that call. So, he got my new number after all. I changed numbers 5 years ago and he was among those I informed, good thing I took the chance to let him know.

He asked if I know a lawyer. I got so worried I forgot to ask why he needed one. I just gave him the name and number of my lawyer-friend. It was a brief call but a welcome one for me. Afraid I might interfere with whatever problem he had that time, I waited for him to call again.

He did.  This time, the call was more cheerful. He said I was the first person that came into his mind because he knew he could always count on me and I would help him without asking any questions. Yes, I AM that. But for some reasons hearing him said it reminded me of the word convenient and it didn’t make me feel good. Then, he told me about himself and what had happened to him for the past 10 years.

I was glad and I told him so. But what really made me happy was his getting in touch in me. He asked me if we could go out just like old times and I said that would be very nice. That was several months ago. He’s been setting a schedule since then but he kept on cancelling it.

Well, I guess he’s just REALLY busy, huh?

The Promise

When I was in college, my boyfriend gave me a paperweight, an hourglass. For me it was just a pretty little thing with blue sand. What really touched my heart was the note written in the card attached to the gift. The note said:

“I shall not promise you FOREVER because forever is too short a time for my love. So, I shall but promise to love you each day and every year to come…”

I found it really sweet. Though it doesn’t mean anything now because we parted ways and we haven’t seen each other for a long time. As a matter of fact, why I still remember the entire note is a puzzle to me.

Maybe I just have a good memory or maybe the note stuck in the memory because it is such a sweet sweet promise. But just like any other promise, it was meant to be broken and IT, indeed, was…

Against the Odds

Nick* and Flor* were just out of high school when they eloped and for that, they lost the support of their families and they received numerous thumbs downs from the elders.

Without money of their own and with their families against them, they only had brains and determination between the two of them. Aware that Flor was smarter than he was, Nick worked for both of them, as a messenger, as a waiter and even as a janitor. He sent Flor to college and after four years, Flor had become a teacher.

With her good credentials, Flor was accepted to teach in high school then she sent Nick to college. It took longer for Nick to finish his course because he was working and studying at the same time. Then, Flor had their first baby and they had to take turns babysitting.

After six years in college, Nick finally finished his course and became a teacher like his wife. They had two more children. Now, in their late fifties, they are among the finest and most respectable couple in our town.

Cheers to you, Sir and Ma’am!

 *not real name

Losing Something

I discovered I could sing when I was a teenager. Though I wasn’t blessed with an extraordinary voice, I know I can sing and I enjoy it. I may not be a professional singer, but I love it when I get off the mike and people would give me a thumbs-up which means they enjoyed my little performance.

Singing is a magical experience, in which you are able to express whatever it is you feel without the difficulty of choosing the right words and saving yourself from the embarrassment of being cheesy. It is both a private thing that separates the singer from the audience and a group experience shared by everyone who hears the song.

When I learned to play the guitar, I got to appreciate singing even more. I joined the church choir and sang for the Lord to give Him back the glory, though I didn’t know it at the time. When I went to college, my singing went from religious to secular. Then I did something that I would regret later, I abused my voice.

Last summer, when I offered tutorial at home, I just felt that my voice was breaking every time I sing with my student. I didn’t mind it at first, thinking that it will pass. It didn’t. Three months ago, I had laryngitis and was advised to rest my voice for two weeks. After two weeks, however, though I got my voice back, it breaks every time I speak. So, I couldn’t sing anymore, nor could I talk for a long period of time without a sore throat.

I’m afraid I lost my singing voice for good. I can’t describe what I actually feel. It’s too painful to think about it. Naturally, I want to blame someone, anyone, but there is no one to blame. Then, I want it back, but I know no amount of wishing would do.

I want to sing again. I want it so much it hurts. I’ve always known I’d lose my voice someday somehow, when I grow really old, but I didn’t know it would be this soon.

Not My Type of Love Affair

I met Rick* through his classmate who is a close friend of mine. If there is one guy I would call handsome (not simply good looking but handsome) well, that would be Rick.

I noticed, however, that Rick is one of those handsome guys who capitalize on looks and not on skills and much less on brains. My observation was confirmed when I learned that Rick was not among the students who graduated last March. Though my conclusion that he failed a subject was wrong, the reason for his exclusion from the graduating class was equally.. disappointing.

Obviously lazy, Rick nearly failed a subject during his second year. Fortunately, his professor, who was rumored to be gay helped him out. It was said that that was the beginning of their affair. According to their friends, it was the professor who was doing all of Rick’s homework and projects. In that regard, it seems like Rick was taking full advantage of the affair. However, it was also rumored that the professor was being possessive of Rick that he was not even allowed to go out with lady friends, only with guys.

Then last March, when Rick’s friends were about to graduate, the gay professor gave Rick a grade of INCOMPLETE disqualifying him from being a candidate for graduation, When I asked why would the professor do that, my friend answered that he probably did not want to let Rick go yet. Maybe this semester or the next, or the next after that, or when Rick learn to study harder and pass the subject on his own. We never know.. :)

*not real name

Losing Track and Finding It

This is a RE-POST from my old blog and originally appeared on Sept. 22, 2013. This is re-posted to save the article for sentimental reasons.

For quite some while, I lost track of what I really wanted in life.. I suffered from the terrible feeling that nothing was going right anymore. It seems like my life was wasting away right before my eyes while I stand and watch.

It wasn’t a pleasant feeling at all..

I started to panic. I knew I had to do something, but I couldn’t remember what it was. I had to start all over again and I asked myself the most basic of all questions. What do I really want to do with my life?

As soon as I realized the answer, I started to plan.. again. Then, I began to pray.. hard. I let the Lord know what I want and I asked him to please give it to me, because if he did, it would make me happy and I perfectly know the Lord wants me to be happy and I know he knows what ‘s best for me. Then, I felt this strange feeling of having something heavy and hard lifted from my chest then I started to expect for.. something. Every morning I get up from bed feeling very excited with the overwhelming anticipation that it might be the day the something nice would come.

And one day it really did come. Now, I’m back on track. My goal is still up ahead but I can see it from here. Every day, I thank the Lord for giving me hope, hope that I can still be what I want to be and I can still have what I want in life, and faith, faith in God and faith in the skills He gave me, for surely, he gave me those skills for a reason.

Life is indeed beautiful, not for what is in it but for what you make of it.  

Small World

Leth* was a naughty girl. She was basically sweet, friendly, smart actually, but, yes.. naughty. Maybe she didn’t mean it but she played around other people’s feelings. I knew that she didn’t have any intention of doing that, but for some reasons, she always ended up hurting other people.

When we went to college, she left behind a lovesick boyfriend, Rudy. Actually.. Rudy was, I don’t know. All I knew was that she didn’t like him that much and she just accepted him because he was NICE, yes, that’s the word, nice.

Okay, so, we went to college and she met someone. He wasn’t as naive and endearing as Rudy but just as nice. That word again, nice. It was clear that she was flirting with the new guy, Joey, though I believed also that she didn’t like him much. Just the same, when Joey asked him if she had a boyfriend, she said ‘no’.

Well, we became friends with Joey, both of us, though it was obvious that he was smitten with Leth. I guess he really really liked her because he said he would visit us in the province on Christmas vacation. He said he has a relative in our town. Oh, well, inventing relatives, for me, wasn’t good, no good at all.

On Christmas vacation, we went home and Leth was reunited with Rudy. She seemed genuinely pleased to see him, but, I still had my doubts. After all, she denied his existence, right? Several days passed and the vacation was nearly over. One day, someone came to visit. Actually, there were two of them. Can you guess who?

Yes, it was Joey. With him was Rudy who was his cousin. Well, it was true that he has a relative in our town after all.. :D

*not real name