A Memory: The Brag on the Bike

Living in the province during the 80s was quiter, simpler and more peaceful compared with living in the province today. The roads were more for pedestrian than for vehicles as vehicles were few. Aside from the jeepneys going to Cabanatuan and back, the only 'wheels' we see on the roads were tricycles.

So, we were amused, amazed and annoyed when we saw a visiting 'Manilenyo' (visitor from Manila) zooming this way and that way on his 'Kawasaki' motorbike, unmindful of small children playing on the street. Obviously with no regard whatsoever for other people's lives nor for his, the brag continued with this unacceptable behavior despite complaints from the people.

Then one day, as the brag was doing his usual tricks, a lone kitten suddenly crossed the street causing the bike to violently wobble, tipped over and  with ear-splitting screech finally hit the dirt throwing the rider a few meters away. For a few seconds, nobody moved and not until the people heard a loud moan did they approach the victim who was, miraculously, alive. It was they, the same people whom he vexed with his tricks, who helped him go to the nearest hospital.

Luckily, there was no serious injury, just a broken arm and several ugly scratches. Eventually, he recovered and we never see him on his bike again. Maybe because his bike was totalled or he just learned an important lesson, we never find out..

Couldn't Let Go

I met John* and May* in college and I’ve always thought they were perfect for each other. So, naturally, I felt genuinely sad when they broke up.

What I didn’t know was that they got back together after college. If I’d known, I would’ve understood May for having John back. I knew just how much she cared about him. All through college she never loved anyone. But I would have had doubts about John. I wasn’t so sure whether he really liked May or she was just a.. convenience (?). I was sure John was perfectly aware of how much he meant to May and I had reasons to believe that he took advantage of that knowledge.

For a couple of years they dated but didn’t have any formal commitment. John didn’t formalize anything and I suspect that May didn’t want to risk losing John again so she put up with it. But sometimes, a person gets tired of waiting. She found someone else to care about, though not as much as she cared for John, and got married. A few days before the wedding, John was asking May to meet with him. May never did find out what John wanted because she didn’t agree to meet with him. We learned afterwards that John, himself, got married after a few months.

A few years after getting married, John started sending May text messages. Though May was too polite not to reply, she was very careful not to encourage John to continue texting. Eventually, as if he sensed his text messages weren’t welcome, John stopped.

Ten years passed, May was so surprised to receive a call from John. She was genuinely glad and told him so. However, she never showed any eagerness to exchange text messages with him regularly. She was relieved to realize that it was just a one-time call, probably out of whim.

But after a month, John called her again and asked to meet. May couldn’t find any reason to say no so she said yes. They had a really nice time and parted just like the old friends that they were. Then one night when she least expected it, May received a text message from John telling her how much he regretted not having married her when he had a chance and that he wanted so much to have May back though he knew it wouldn’t happen.

Though happy with her life, May couldn’t help asking why is it that the thing or the person that you have wanted for the longest time would come back when everything about you was perfectly in order. Is it what they call the irony of life?

At least John knew where he stood and May appreciated him for that..

*not real name

Hateful Man

When my friend, Edith, felt that her husband was cheating on her, and that he no longer cared for her whatsoever, she went home to her mother’s house taking all her three children with her.

Though the reason for her leaving was clear on her husband who still denied being involved with another woman despite several eyewitnesses, he blamed Edith for the separation. As if it wasn’t enough and he wanted to hurt my friend even more, he said it on her face that he doesn’t love her anymore, still claiming that he was blameless and it was ALL Edith’s fault.

At this point, Edith doesn’t care anymore about how her husband feels for her, what she cares about right now is her children. But even that was being used by her husband to hurt her much much more. He sends only the amount he wants to send, pushing Edith to borrow money from everyone she knows, including me.

Though she wants to work in order to support her children, she couldn’t. Her youngest, who had meningitis when she was a baby, needs constant attention.

And the worst part? Her husband is actually blaming ME for their breakup. He said Edith’s decision was influenced by me. What have I got to do with it? Talk about insufferable jerk.

*not real name

A Memory: Aling Goria

Onyok* was one of my brother's close friends. His mother, Aling Goria, was a strict old woman who work from dusk till dawn. She sells various street foods depending on the season. She sells bibingka and puto bumbong (rice cakes) during the Christmas season, mangga, tubo, pakwan, palamig and halu-halo (mango, sugar cane stick, watermelon, cold drinks and mixed sweets with milk and crushed ice) during the summer season, nilagang mais, mami, goto, sopas (boiled corn, warm noodles, porridge, chicken soup) during the rainy season, and for regular days, she sells binusang mais, adobong mani and butong pakwan (mixed nuts). She never run out of anything to sell..

She was one workaholic woman. And though I didn't like her much when I was young (I remember her talking nastily), I learned to respect and admire her determination and guts when I became an adult. And deep inside I secretly wish I was as industrious and persevering as she had been.

It was one summer night when my brother was in high school. Onyok came with my brother to play billiard, maybe with a game or two in mind. As I seldom see him there, I asked how he was, ignoring the uneasy look on his face.  After one game, Onyok got excited and called for another game, any sign of uneasiness gone from his face. He surely was enjoying himself..

Then out of the darkness came Aling Goria, her eyes flaming with fury and her unkempt hair flying in all directions. She picked Onyok by the ear and dragged him out of the hall into the dark street ranting in her hoarse voice..

"You, son of a b#@ch! I am working as hard as a horse so that I can send you to school, and what do you do? Play billiards, you fool! You must realize that I'm not doing it for myself, I'm doing it for you so that you can study and have a life better than I had, you animal! Go home and prepare the peanuts! "

(Anak ka ng p#@a! Kayod kabayo na ko para lang makapag aral, tapos ano gagawin mo, magbibilyar ka lang na sira ulo ka. Dapat mong malaman na hindi ko to ginagawa para sa sarili ko, ginagawa ko to para magkaroon ka ng mas magandang buhay, hayup ka. Umuwi ka dun at ihanda mo yung mane!)

I can no longer remember the other things that she said. Whatever they were, I know they were sensible and true. After several years, I was glad to learn that Onyok did finish his studies. I heard he took up Education course and became a teacher. That would be thanks to Aling Goria..

*not real names

Childhood Misconceptions

When I was young, I had assumptions which turned out to be misconceptions... Among which are as follows: (Scroll all the way down for the English version)

NUNG BATA AKO...

Ø  Nung bata ako akala ko ang ‘pan’ ay panghanda sa Pasko, meryenda lang pala yun ng ibang tao.

Ø  Nung bata ako akala ko ang family size na coke ay binibili lang kapag may bisita o may birthday, pwede naman pala bumili basta may pera ka.

Ø  Nung bata ako akala ko ang sopas ay inihahanda lang kapag birthday o Pasko, niluluto pala yun para makakain ang may sakit.

Ø  Nung bata ako akala ko adobong manok ang pinakamasarap at pinakamahal na ulam sa buong mundo, marami pa palang mas masarap dun.

Ø  Nug bata ako akala ko pagkatapos ng Holy Week ay pyesta na, may mga lugar palang walang pyesta at mga lugar na walang Holy Week.

Ø  Nung bata ako akala ko ang Jollibee ay para lang sa mayayaman, may mayayaman pala na hindi masyadong pinapansin ang Jollibee.

Ø  Nung bata ako akala ko yung mga nao-honor sa school ay siyang magaganda ang buhay paglaki, kapag pala nakapag-asawa ka ng mayaman kahit hindi mo alam ang kaibahan ng ‘fast’ sa ‘fastly’ay siguradong maganda ang magiging buhay mo (alam mo ba ang kaibahan ng ‘fast’ sa ‘fastly’? Wag mo na isipin kasi wala namang salitang fastly, mali yun. Subukan mo i-type sa Microsoft Word magkakaroon ng guhit)

Ø  Nung bata ako akala ko pag naka-graduate ka ng college yayaman ka na, dun pa lang pala nagsisimula ang hirap.

Ø  Nung bata ako akala ko kapag nagtrabaho ka na at sumasahod makakaipon ka na ng pera, wala din palang natitira sa sahod.   

Ø  Nung bata ako akala ko lahat ng taong nakapag-aral ay disente, hindi pala lahat.

Ø  Nung bata ako akala ko pagkatapos ng hirap ay ginhawa, may mga tao pala na hindi nakakatikim ng ginhawa sa buong buhay nila.

Ø  Nung bata ako akala ko lahat ng namamatay napupunta sa langit at nagiging angels, WALA PALANG NAKAKAALAM kung saan tayo pupunta pag namatay tayo.. Sa heaven? Sino may sabi? Sigurado siya?

Ang dami ko palang maling akala nung bata ako. Pero bakit ganun, nung naitama yung mga maling akala ko biglang lumungkot yung mundo. Ibig kayang sabihin mas maganda pa na mali na lang ang akala?

WHEN I WAS YOUNG…

Ø  When I was young, I thought sandwiches were Christmas treats, I realized later that they are just snacks.

Ø  When I was young, I thought family size coke is bought only when there are visitors or if there’s a birthday celebration, I realized later that anybody with money can buy it anytime.

Ø  When I was young, I thought ‘soup’ is a holiday treat, I realized later that it is usually prepared for sick people.

Ø  When I was young, I thought ‘adobong manok’(chicken cooked in soy sauce and vinegar) is the most delicious and most expensive food in the world, I realized later that there are more delicious food than that.

Ø  When I was young, I thought after the Holy Week come the town fiesta, I realized later that not all towns have fiestas and not all places observe the Holy week.

Ø  When I was young, I thought Jollibee is only for wealthy people, I realized later that some wealthy people prefer other diners and restaurants over Jollibee.

Ø  When I was young, I thought honor students are guaranteed bright futures, I realized later that if you find a rich spouse it doesn’t matter whether you know the difference between ‘fast’ and ‘fastly’ you surely will have a bright future. (By the way, do you know the difference between ‘fast’ and ‘fastly’? Oops, don’t bother, ‘fastly’ is not grammatically correct. Try typing it on Microsoft Word, it will be underlined.

Ø  When I was young, I thought you will get rich after you graduate from college, I realized later that graduation is only the beginning of a hard and laborious life.

Ø  When I was young, I thought you will finally save money from your salary when you start working, I realized later that salary is only for bills and basic needs, no more leftover for you to save.

Ø  When I was young, I thought all educated people are decent, I realized later that some of them are not.

Ø  When I was young, I thought better days come after grim and difficult ones, I realized later that there are unfortunate people who never experience better days in their lives.

Ø  When I was young, I thought people go to heaven and become angels when they die, I realized later that NO ONE REALLY KNOWS. (Heaven? Said who? How can he be so sure?)

I realize now that I have so many childhood misconceptions. But why is it that when those misconceptions were straightened and cleared out, the world seems to become a sadder and grimmer place to live? Would it have been better to live with those misconceptions? 

A Memory: Andoy, the Ice Cream Vendor

Andoy* was a local guy. He was an ice cream vendor who goes around our town pushing his ice cream cart and ringing a bell to attract customers. I was one of his regulars when I was in grade school. Physically, Andoy was not what I considered good looking. What more, he didn't even look neat. He had long hair, long fingernails and dusty feet. Thinking about it now makes me want to throw up all the ice cream I bought from him, lol! Well don't get me wrong, he is a nice guy, only with a not so nice physical appearance. What made him our friend was the fact that we were his regular customers and he was ours in our billiard hall, and he normally spends some time in our place when the day gets too hot for him to push his ice cream cart.

One morning, I was woken by the unusual clamor in our usually noisy billiard hall. I got up and checked out what's the matter.  It seems like the extraordinarily beautiful daughter of a grocer in our town ran away with Andoy. What?? Yes, my father answered, Lea* ran away with Andoy. I couldn't believe it. Lea was only about 18 years old. She was a former beauty queen in high school and the constant Reyna Elena in the yearly Santacruzan. How could she fall for Andoy? Smiling, my father answered, love is blind.

After  a while, the outrageous news became history, Andoy and Lea got married and everything went back to normal. Normal as in, Andoy went back to selling ice cream, but instead of the easy-go-lucky guy we used to know, he became irritable and complained about his young and very jealous wife. How could someone that beautiful be very jealous? What was there to be jealous about? Well, maybe Andoy was just bragging. But as if to confirm the guy's authentic tale, a teen age boy came to us running and said..

'Andoy, Lea has been looking for you everywhere! She is so mad. She's right behind me..'

With the speed of lightning, Andoy hid in the comfort room (which was not comforting at all) provided for our regular customers. But as soon as he was out of our sight, the beautiful Lea became visible to us and she sure was mad. She came directly at us and asked for his husband. No one spoke. So, she asked again, this time in a louder voice, 'Where is Andoy?!'

One of the players answered in a casual tone.. 'He's not here. Maybe he went somewhere in Mabini..'

Red with anger, Lea faced the player and said 'He's not here? He's NOT HERE?? Then how did his ice cream cart get here?' then in a louder and angrier voice'Andoy! I know you're here, come out you filthy animal or I'll tear this place apart!!'

Did Andoy come out? But of course.. What choice did he have?

 *Not real names

Rare Love

If there is something about myself in the love department, it’s that I hold back. I reserve my love for a very few people, for my family most of all, my extended family and very few selected friends. But when I love a person, I love that person forever.

So, in a way, I seem to be cold and heartless. I’m not the sweety-sweety and cuddly-cuddly giving love notes kind of lover. I only cuddle my own children and the sweetest gesture I do with my husband in public is hold his hand. I don’t throw away big parties for my children and birthdays is a private occasion celebrated only with family. I don’t PM my friends in Facebook nor I post quotes and status to tell people how much love I have and how much love I can give.

But the few people I love hold my highest regard. I keep them in the most private corner of my heart and I always make myself available for them any time they need me.

Maybe I could say I rarely love, but I truly love. And it’s love in the real sense of the word..

A Good Deed for A Good Deed

Growing up in the province during the 80s have some derogatory effects when it comes to technological issues. My brother and I grew up not knowing how to use the telephone. My sister, Liz, being the oldest had the honor of being brought to Manila by our aunt and so was more familiar with those innovations. She played the ATARI when it was still the hottest toy, my brother and I learned about it right before it was phased out.

The only thing we had in the house that time was an old NATIONAL black and white television set and an old player where my father used to play The Platters and The Four Aces. We were lucky. Some made use of old transistors to listen to the afternoon drama (Matudnila) as a form of entertainment.

Being nice kids (I guess), we were always invited by our well-to-do neighbors, the Apostols and the Gamboas, to watch Betamax with them early at night. So, our mother would let us eat supper early so we can go. And there we were, at the farthest corner of the big house, quiet as mice and thankful for being invited to watch 'The Never Ending Story,' 'Starwars,' 'Tom and Jerry Classics,' 'Wanted Pamilya Banal,' 'Bukas Luluhod and Mga Tala,' 'Bagets 1 & 2' and a lot lot more. At the end of each film, we would get up from our corner and thank our very kind neighbors and leave as quietly as we could after making sure that we didn't leave any trash or smudge their sofa with our dirty fingers. It went on for years.

In the early 90s, things have changed. We were then able to acquire our own VHS player long before the others in town did. Extending the same kindness we received from our neighbors, we also invited some kids in the neighborhood to watch movies with us. But these kids were different. They were noisy and reckless. They left candy wrappers and stuck them in our sofa. They didn't even thank us when the movie was over.

But we still invited them in the succeeding events. Maybe things were really like that. Maybe kids have really changed. Maybe we invited the wrong kids.  Or maybe it's generation gap. But whatever it was, one thing is for sure, a good deed can only be paid with another good deed..

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

This story actually happened about fifteen years ago, when being an unwed mother was still taboo.

As an emancipated woman, I’ve never been bothered to be an unwed mother. For me, it was either people, a guy in particular, accept me or not. But though I was never ashamed of my situation at the time, I wasn’t proud that my integrity was somehow.. questionable. So, my being an unwed mother was kind of personal and only close friends knew about it.

So, on my first formal job as an administrative clerk in a big supermarket, nobody knew that I had a child. Since I was technically single, guys were drawn to me. One guy in particular actually asked me out on a date. Since I was available, in the real sense of word, I went out with him.

Just like the usual first dates, the guy was trying to sell himself out to me. Well, I got that. Naturally, he was trying to impress me as best as he could until I gave him the ultimate test. I told him that I had a child about three years old and that I was raising her all by myself.

He tried really really hard to appear interested.

He never asked me out again. Was I surprised? NOT AT ALL…

The Costume

This is a re-post. It originally appeared on another blog on Apr. 10, 2011. It is re-posted for sentimental reasons.

I saw some boys hanging around at the activity center of SM Fairview one time. Just like every other person in SM that time, they seemed to be waiting for TALENTADONG PINOY, which was going to be held there, to start. One of them held, what appeared to me, the costume he was going to wear.

Hmmm.. COSTUME. It reminds me of one time in grade school, I think I was in grade 4 that time. We were going to have a play in school and our teacher was selecting students who will perform. Very much confident that I can memorize the script, I raised my hand to volunteer. But our teacher seemed not no notice me, so I raised my hand even higher. This time, it was not missed. The teacher looked at me and said in her soft but ruthless voice..

'You can't join the play, I know you can't afford the costume..'

The fact that our poverty was evident in the entire town couldn't be digested by my young heart at the time. I was simply disappointed that I couldn't join the play. Being poor is bad enough, being known to be poor is even worse. Being discriminated for that fact was, for me, the worst.

I watched the play. The lead character messed up. She forgot her lines... I expected that. She may be pretty and nicely dressed, but she was DUMB. I knew her. She was my seat mate..

Love for Self

‘Learning to love yourself. It is the greatest love of all….’

Well.. I don’t know, but I simply can’t wholeheartedly agree to that song. As what the scripture says:

‘There’s no greater love than this, that a person would lay down his life for the sake of his friends.” (John 15:13)

I know of someone who never loved anyone besides himself. It has always been he, him and his. He only works to live but never shared his earnings with anyone. It seems like other people have the obligation to feed him and see through his needs. He never shared what he had. Whatever he has is his alone, but he feels free to utilize or consume someone else’s.

He grew old depending on other people. He never worked for anyone because he was too proud to accept directives but was too lazy to save money to put up his own, even very small, business. He only works when he feels like it, not considering the bills that pile up and which he doesn’t share a single cent to.

He left his family because he feels that his wife defies him and looks down on him. He never would understand that that was maybe so because he never gave her any reason to regard him highly. Well, I don’t know, but I feel sorry for that person because he will never know the real meaning of love.

Right Intention, Wrong Way

Among the five friends, Gina* was the only one who didn’t have a boyfriend yet. So, when she finally introduced Dan*, her friends were not only delighted but also excited. But the excitement didn’t extend to Penny* who sensed something about Dan and told so to the rest of the friends. The other girls, however, were so happy abut Gina’s newfound relationship that they just accepted it.

To prove her point, Penny started to get friendly with Dan. As she expected, he took the bait. He began to be more friendly with Penny and even flirted with her shamelessly. But as soon as Penny noticed it, she kept her distance. After all, she already proved she was right.

But Dan was smarter than Penny took him for. By the time she was about to tell Gina the truth, her friend was already fed with a seduction story by Dan. Gina was hurt, but Penny was even more so. If Gina couldn’t believe her friend would try to steal her boyfriend,  Penny couldn’t accept that Gina thought very little of her.

The parting was difficult. But what followed was downright painful, because after a few months, Dan dumped Gina for a new and younger girl. .

*not real name

Self Discovery

My friend Lyna* has been having trouble with her marriage for the past five years. Despite our advice to let go, she was still trying to save the marriage though the evidence that her husband has been cheating on her has been piling up.

But based on what she told me, her husband seems to be pushing her away and there was no indication that he wanted any reconciliation. Her husband believed himself blameless and everything was all Lyna’s fault.

As a friend, I couldn’t accept that. Lyna is a smart girl. She has always been. She was among those who excel in our class and she was quite popular in our school. When she married her husband, however, Lyna has changed. She started to depend on him so much she couldn’t even decide which appliances to buy. But seeing that she was happy with it, I held my peace until she told me about her suspicion that her husband has another woman.

Still, Lyna hoped and worked hard to save the happy marriage she once had. But a few months ago, she finally muster the courage to ask her husband whether he still loves her or not, he didn’t say ‘yes’ and he even told her that it was she who hurt him with her suspicions.

After crying for a week. Lyna realized she’d rather make the most of what’s left, her kids. But this time, she won’t keep quiet. After all, she has a say in the matter, whatever that is. She began to say ‘no’ to her husband, she started to do what she wanted to do and not what her husband wanted and most importantly, she began to confront her husband about everything pertaining to their life together like his salary, which she didn’t know how much until now.

Her husband was shocked, so shocked he couldn’t speak. For the first time, he met the real Lyna which he belittled and mistreated. Well.. how wrong can he be..

*not real name