When Brave Women Cry

It has been commonly believed that brave people don’t cry. Tears have always been perceived as a sign of weakness. Crying has been interpreted as a sign of defeat.

Not for me. Crying has never been and will never be a manifestation of weakness for me. It is, in fact, a sign of courage. Crying is surrender to pain. It is the recognition of a common human emotion. There is nothing weak about accepting what you feel, understanding how you feel and yielding to pain that consumes you as long as you fight back when your tears are dry.

As a woman, I’ve never been ashamed to cry, basically because I know I’m not weak, and whoever thinks of me as such knows nothing, therefore, doesn’t deserve my attention. I would cry when I feel sad, happy, or simply.. when I feel like crying. But after that intense expression of emotion, I feel braver and more ready to face anything.

I’m a woman, and I cry. But why do women cry? Because they are brave…. :D

How to Spoil a Brat

About three years ago, I had a student in playcamp named Isaiah*. He was a handsome boy of three, very smart and obviously the apple of the eye of his parents.

His parents were absolutely wonderful. His father was a pastor in their church and his mother was the choir master. They were very kind, obviously very smart, and very good-looking. However, they did not need to volunteer the information that Isaiah is a menopause baby.

Coming late to his parents’ lives, Isaiah was one of the biggest brats I’ve ever laid my eyes on. He has absolute power over his parents. His words are law and his orders were obeyed without question. We understood that Isaiah’s parents love their son unconditionally, but when he started to throw tantrums in school, we had to impose standard discipline.

Isaiah was shocked the first time he received no for an answer. It must probably be something he wasn’t used to, so, he started screaming. His mother tried to clam him down but Isaiah was disconsolate. So, she sat beside him until he kept quiet which took the entire session.

Before they left, Isaiah’s mother apologized for her son’s misbehavior. She gave us the excuse that Isaiah is an only child so, they unintentionally spoiled him and now they don’t know how to handle it. Then she told us how that weekend, Isaiah picked up a piece of stone and threw at some kids who were playing at the park and hit someone in the head. They had to take the child to the hospital and they paid for the hospital bills including the stitches and medicine.

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t need to. Apparently, these parents know what to do, but chose no to do it.. :(

 *not real name

Sweet Young Love

When I was in grade school, I got acquainted with two very young lovers. Very young because Mario* was only 17 years old at the time and was a college freshman while his girlfriend Joanna* was barely 16 years old and a high school senior. I was too young to how love really works but I was not surprised when I learned, after several months, that they eloped.

Everybody had his or her own speculation about the two young lovers. Most of the people presumed the couple wasn’t going to last, that they were giving the two a maximum of 6 months before the lovers bitterly separate. Mario worked as a jeepney driver while Joanna stayed to keep house and sell native cakes from time to time. A year passed, then two, then five, it seems the people underestimate the young lovers. Before Joanna turned twenty she was already a mother, a beautiful young mother. Years became a decade, then two..

About a year ago, I saw Mario and Joanna. They were no longer the pretty young couple I used to know. They are the sweet husband and wife who, despite their youth, proved the people wrong. With them were their grown children who were evidence of how true love can survive the test of time..

 *not real name

It feels Cool to be Cool

I’ve been teaching part time for more than a month now, but last Saturday was my first time (again) to be evaluated by the students.

The students were supposed to give comments and suggestions to my teaching style. When I was new, I used to receive a comment that I was talking too fast. Eventually, however, I learned to establish rapport with students and to interact with them. I learned to engage them in a discussion where everybody would feel free to say anything they have in mind.

When I read my evaluation result this weekend, I smiled when I saw comments such as excellent, the best teacher and funny among the most common. But what I liked most of all was the comment by the student that I was the coolest..

For some reasons, I felt so happy. And I kept thinking about it until I got home. I kept thinking what I did that one or two of the students thought I was cool? Whatever it was, well, maybe I should do it more often, lol! :D

What is it about being ‘cool’ that that’s what we want to be?

What's Amiss

A few months ago, I received a call from a friend whom I haven’t seen for several years. She called to ask my opinion about her husband.

I knew her husband to be a quiet, very quiet, guy a few years older than her. He didn’t talk much. From a bystander’s point of view, he was just an ordinary guy. Other people might say, my friend was one lucky girl to have such a quiet husband, doesn’t complain, doesn’t lose temper, doesn’t.. anything.

And that is the problem. He doesn’t talk at all. He drops a comment about the weather, about last night’s basketball game, about local politics, about the neighbor’s dog.. but never about the house, about their kid’s education, about plans for the future.

My friend has been frustrated for years. She felt like she doesn’t have a husband and that she has been living with a stranger all this time. She tried pleading, then crying, whining, yelling, throwing things around but to no avail. She also tried to threaten him by leaving, but he just kept quiet. She simply couldn’t get him TO TALK about them and their family or their LOVE, if there’s any between them.

My friend asked me if that was normal. I gave her my honest opinion, that I’ve known a lot of guys exactly like her husband. They look normal to me and they sound normal. They are just NOT INTO confrontation and all that, and I guess they are not going to change just because their wives want them to, leaving the wives two choices, whether to TAKE THEM AS THEY ARE or LEAVE THEM AND GO…

Special Decoration

Jared* is in fourth year high school. He was enrolled by his parents in the tutorial center to review for the college entrance test of one of the most prestigious universities here in the Philippines.

My first impression of Jared was not good. He was texting on his cell phone. Obviously, he failed to notice the note we posted on the entrance to keep their mobile phones inside their bags. Moreover, he kept on complaining about how difficult the review was. He kept on saying he didn’t know the list of vocabulary. So, I asked him if he reads a lot, as I expected, he said no.

Every time he’s left to answer his worksheets, he kept on putting out his cell phone to text, until I had to warn him that we’re going to confiscate it. Then, when I checked his paper, he would complain that the test was difficult. When I started to explain the lesson, he would just stare at his paper with indifference. And the thing was, it was just a make-up session, he did not even attend the class on the official schedule.

The boy was simply not interested with the review.

Yesterday was the mock test. When he learned that he was supposed to take a test for four hours, he asked something that nearly pushed me on edge..

‘Do I really need to take it?’

If he didn’t want to review, if he didn’t want to take the entrance test, if he didn’t want to study at all, then, what is he? A special decoration?

*not real name

If Love Isn't Meant

On my last year in college, I became friends with Rico* a second year Political Science student who apparently intended to go to Law School and be a lawyer someday. I learned later that he was of a big and powerful clan in the northern part of the country.

Before I finally graduated, I noticed his closeness with one of our older friends, Gail*. A smart, practical and amiable girl whom everyone, including me, liked. I didn’t notice anything special about them. He looked like an inexperienced overly-excited apprentice waiting for her, the mentor’s, every word. I completely forgot them as soon as I was out of the university.

After two years, however, I crossed paths with Rico again. He seemed so excited to see me. He asked me if I have Gail’s number and I was glad to give it to him. After a week, I received a call from Rico. He was.. sad. I asked him what it was about and he told me their story.

He told me that they had a one-night physical affair and that he didn’t know he would fall in love with Gail after that. Though I already knew the answer, I asked him if it was really possible. He said they only made love once but they talked about anything and everything, and that he could be himself when he was with Gail. He said everything she said about life was true. And most importantly, Gail was unlike any other girl he met in that she didn’t have any expectations, she didn’t ask for commitment and faithfulness and loyalty but in a very short time they were together, she made him feel special.

I said that was very nice, but asked him why he was sad. He said he asked me Gail’s number hoping to ask her out, to court her properly and offer her the love he has felt for her for a couple of years now. But Gail refused him politely. She told him how special he had been to her and if he had found her sooner maybe there was still a chance for them. She said sorry and told him she was getting married in two days time.

I can no longer remember what I said to Rico to make him feel better. What I remember is how hurt I was for the two of them..

 *not real names

Dressed for.. What?

In the review center I work for, we offer, aside from comprehensive review, a refresher course. The purpose of the refresher is to get the student ready right before the actual exam took place.

Two years ago, my attention was caught by a particular student who enrolled on the first day of the refresher course. Unlike her classmates who were covered with hooded jackets and thick denim pants, the girl was wearing a very short shorts and a top with spaghetti straps.

Well, I personally don’t have anything against girls who dress sexily. I would if I could :D but what bothered me was not whether she was properly dressed for an academic review or not, but whether she was cold-proof or not. Our review center happened to be located at the coldest part of the mall.

Followed by the admiring looks of her classmates, the girl sat at the front. Before I started the lecture, I looked at her and silently wished she would last the two-hour session. She didn’t. After 30 minutes, she got up and very politely bid us goodbye. When we explained that she could not retake the session, she just shrugged us off and went away. Maybe she’d rather miss the review than freeze.

Well, if I learned something from that experience, that was.. to dress warmly inside cold malls. :D

The Goose, The Sister-in-Law and the Gunshot

When I went home in the province a few weeks ago, I heard a story that saddened me. For one, it really was an unfortunate event and second, it should not have taken place at all.

The story had it that two brothers, Larry and Lito*, lived beside each other’s house. Their wives were not in good terms but were apparently forced to live side by side. One day, Larry’s goose got loose and wandered around Lito’s yard and left goose dung.

Enraged, Lito’s wife ran towards Larry’s wife and said impolite things. Before long, they were engaged in a heated argument. The argument turned into a fist fight when the brothers got themselves involved. As if that wasn’t enough, Lito aimed at Larry and shot him. It was Larry’s wife who took the bullet intended for her husband and she died.

I felt sad that things like this happen. That a brother would aim a gun at his brother, accidentally kill his sister-in-law and deprive his nieces and nephews of a mother, all because of goose dung.

Sometimes living with your spouse can be difficult and living beside your extended family even worse. But we have to make allowances and try to settle our differences for the plain and simple reason that.. it’s for the best.

The Shortest Way

For the last decade, the shortest way to the students’ hearts is.. movies.

When I was a student, I was so amazed at how good my teachers were in explaining the subject matters. But when I found out that I was the only one who understood the lessons, I realized how difficult it was for the teachers to get the students’ attention.

When I became a teacher myself, I tried to be as lively and passionate as I could when giving lectures. But I realized my effort wasn’t enough. So, I tried to think of how to get students’ attention (especially the teens). In this generation, these include modern gadgets, Hollywood celebrities, movies and YouTube sensations.

Sometimes, I deviate from the lesson on hand to talk about or ask about any of those things just so I could have the students’ undivided attention. Most often than not, it’s effective. Still, the idea is for the students to have fun while learning and not to feel threatened at all.

I love it when the students’ eyes shine with understanding and most of all, when they feel they can actually relate.

How does it feel to be a teacher? Proud.

True Love Waits and Endures

When I was in sixth grade, my classroom adviser was a spinster in her early 40s. She was my brother’s adviser in sixth grade and my sister, Liz’s as well. She was one nice lady, warm as a mother but as strict as one.

She used to live in her cozy little house with her widowed mother. The house was spotlessly clean, smelled like newly washed clothes and adorned with handmade arts and crafts. I was fortunate enough to be invited there a couple of times. I wasn’t one of her favorites because I believe she didn’t have one, but she surely was very nice to me and to my other classmates.

So we always do to nice people, I wished her, first and foremost, a husband.

That year, she trained for a declamation contest. It was in the district level which meant that I was to compete against representatives from other schools. Fortunately, I won. I nearly lost, though, to a pretty lass from another school, also a sixth grader, and, I learned later, the daughter of one of the teachers there. I never forgot her.

After three years, I heard a marvelous news. My sixth grade teacher got married! I was so happy for her. But I was stunned when I learned that she married the newly widowed teacher in another school who was the father of the girl who nearly beat me in the declamation contest. I felt, somehow.. betrayed. I have no reason to feel that way, of course, so I just focused on being happy for her.

And I was right to be happy, because I learned that the couple used to be sweethearts when they were young. For some reasons, the guy married someone else and my teacher didn’t marry at all. When the guy got widowed, he married her the moment it was appropriate to do so.

It was my first glimpse of what true love really means.

The VERY Special Client

During my long vacation last Christmas season, a client inquired about our review for International English Language Testing System. The IELTS is taken primarily by students intending to study in the English speaking countries of Canada, Great Britain, Australia and New Zealand. It was also taken by people of the medical profession, skilled workers and immigrants.

This particular client wasn’t a student nor was he a medical personnel. So, it could only be either skilled worker or an immigrant. He first asked about who was going to teach him. It happened to be me, at the time. He asked about me particularly about the school I graduated from. He demanded to talk to me but felt disappointed when told that I wasn’t around and that I was on leave for the holidays. He asked the receptionist to call me on my mobile phone because he wanted to know if I was credible and good enough to teach him. Our receptionist, very politely, said they do not call the teachers ‘on-leave’ unless it was an emergency.

Feeling that he couldn’t impose much more, he left an order for me to call him as soon as I report to work on the third of January when business resumes officially. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to go to work on that day. When I reported for work, I had so much else to do that I forgot about him completely. On the first Sunday of January, I took my day-off. He came and berated the receptionist because I did not call. He said it was my responsibility to give him a call as soon as I came to report for work.

He said he wanted to be sure if I was good enough to teach him and if there was something else I could teach him besides the lessons on the prescribed outline. He said, aside from English language, preferably with British accent, he also wanted to learn about the Canadian culture and Canada’s current trend. The receptionist said we only teach what’s on the outline. He answered that’s what he wanted to talk to me about.

I didn’t call him at all..

The Daughter-in-Law

Val* was raised by his widowed mother. With only the pension they received since his father died in the line of duty and his mother’s small income as a laundry woman, Val was able to finish college. His success was more his mother’s than his.

Val has only one brother and no sister, so, his mother was happy when Val finally brought home the girl he intended to marry. The girl appeared to be extremely quiet and unapproachable, but Val’s mother took at is shyness brought about by being new to the family.

Several months after they married, however, Val’s wife showed signs of impoliteness. She tended to answer her husband and her mother-in-law in disrespectful manner. She started throwing things when she gets irritated and mumbling insults directed at her mother-in-law.

Finally, Val’s mother had enough, she approached her daughter-in-law and asked her what her problem was. The girl yelled at her and enumerated the things she disliked about her husband’s mother. It appeared she didn’t like being told how to do things properly, she got offended when her mother-in-law did not drink the coffee she made (which she just left on the table) and she felt bad because her mother-in-law was not talking with her much.

Val’s mother justified her actions. Afterwards, she apologized for offending her daughter-in-law in any way and finally, offered her hand for a new start. The girl snubbed the offered hand, instead, yelled that she would never ever learn to love and respect her mother-in-law.

I felt sorry for Val who happened to be my distant relative. I wish that someday, somehow, things will work out for him..

 *not real name