Pretty Boy

“He is nothing but a pretty boy..”

That’s what Riza* told us when we asked why she broke up with her ex-boyfriend. It had been four years since the separation, but Riza hasn’t had any boyfriend since then. It must have been really painful, I thought

One time, however, for some reasons, Riza started to talk about her ex, and not just talk, but really TALK. And when she talked, she talked all the way..

I found out that the guy’s only redeeming quality, if we can call that quality, is his being pretty. He is one of those vain guys who always keep themselves looking like movie stars. So, when he started dating her, Riza felt like winning in a raffle draw. He was the type of guy any girl would be proud to be seen with in any occasion. And he was not just a pretty boy, he was also, according to Riza, a good lover. She said, he always made her feel wanted.

Their first date was a bomb, Riza felt like a princess. On their second date, however, the guy was broke, so, it was Riza who settled the bill. The third, the fourth, and even the fifth date was no better than the second. Riza started to wonder if something was wrong. There was. The guy couldn’t last in a job, any job. He simply thought he was too good for any of those jobs he was hired for. He believed he was destined for something greater but wasn’t given any chance.

Months passed and things got no better. Riza was starting to get irritated every time her boyfriend shows up with empty pockets expecting her to give him his fare back home. So, Riza talked with him and said he had to find himself a job. He seemed to digest it over night because the following day, he waited for her after work and asked to borrow some money so he could find himself a job. Riza, thinking it was better to help him find a job instead of just giving him money, lent him some hoping it would help him.

After several months, the pretty boy was as pretty as ever, but still jobless. Needless to say he wasn’t able to pay what he owed Riza.

And Riza? She broke up with him promising herself she would find a much better person. The fact that she is still single now may mean she never find that person YET.

Well, I really wish her luck!

*not real name

Gesture of a Long-Time Friendship

(This is a re-post from my old blog. I included it here for sentimental reasons.)

As I was checking out my notifications in my Facebook account last week, I found out that I was tagged a picture by my friend, Lee Viray Cahili, the well-known photographer. It was a picture of his new Photography Studio.

I felt flattered that even though we haven't seen each other much these past few years, he still wanted me to know what’s going on with his life right now.

When I featured him in my blog as a birthday present, he thanked me by posting this on my Facebook wall..

“hi kim thank you! you don’t know how much you made an impact on who i am and how i think now. for that maraming salamat kaibigan.”

As if it wasn’t enough, he posted this on his Facebook wall..

“She was not my mother not even my teacher but the things I learned from her helped me become who i am and how i am today. Salamat Kim Agustin Laxa for this gift on my birthday! :)”

 Honestly, I can no longer remember how I helped him be what he is right now. I have some vague memory, though,  of our long talks and endless arguments way back in college. Even then, I was the teacher he probably didn’t want yet a significant part of his life.

For my friend, Lee, good luck to all your endeavors..

If The Love Fits..

Ann* was a typical provincial girl with minimal exposure to the city-ways. Consequently, she tends to be overly shy and aloof. But more than that, Ann is a girl who didn’t know what she really wanted in life.

Before she went to college, we’ve asked her what course she’d like to take, obviously, she didn’t know. So, I asked her about her interests as I believed it would give us a clue as to what she wanted, she didn’t know that either. So, she just took the course that was a trend at the time.

After college was the problem of employment. Again, she didn’t know what type of job she wanted to be doing. So, it was either she didn’t last long in the job or she didn’t have any job at all. So, we were kind of surprised when she announced that she would like to work abroad. With the kind of attitude that she had, we thought she wouldn’t last a week. But she did.

She was halfway through her contract when we found the perfect guy for her. So, we gave the guy his number and we assumed that he sent her an SMS or something like that. After a few months, however, the guy said she didn’t text him back. Oh well, enough with the matchmaking game..

When Ann got home, I wasn’t there, so I had to wait until I came over to check her out, which was a few more months after she arrived. She looked healthier, first and foremost, and there was a little change in her attitude, I guess, she became less shy. But what surprised me most was the news that she was getting married in a few months.

It turned out that the guy whose text messages she snubbed was the same guy who captured her heart. Oh well, talk about love and its own course…

*not real name

Teachers and Terrors

As a teacher, I wonder why other teachers terrorize students.

One of my childhood friends didn’t even finish the second grade because she was humiliated by her teacher. She never went back to school.

I, myself, experienced being embarrassed by a teacher in the entire class. I am an English teacher but I wasn’t that good in Math. I passed, yes, but I didn’t excel and it seemed like my professor took satisfaction in making me a laughingstock. Fortunately, my classmates knew I was good in other subjects, so no one laughed at me, and if someone did, he or she made sure I didn’t hear it.

I have always loved school, but even I learned to hate it because of teachers like that. That’s the time I decided I want to be a teacher and if I become one, I will never, ever, be like that. I would not intimidate students, rather, I would make them feel it’s ok to be wrong, and I will help them learn what is right. I will not simply teach lessons but I will teach students to love learning.

There are times that I, too, can be difficult, but not unreasonable. I’d rather be disliked by a few just as long as they learn from me. I prefer to be liked not because I’m kind but because I’m good.

Sooner or later, I will go back to teaching and I’ll make sure I’m still the teacher I’ve always been :)

Love Can Be Learned

When I was new in the air conditioning company that I worked with, I met one of the most arduous girls I’ve ever met so far. She was one of the secretaries. I learned right away that she was hopelessly in love with the chief engineer.

Being a new girl in the company, I guess she felt right to see me as a threat. At that time, I was still a young, naughty and stubborn girl myself. I knew how my co-worker felt, both of them. The girl was obsessed and the guy felt suffocated. Honestly, I felt that the guy wasn’t interested but was just too polite to tell the girl that he didn’t like her at all. Well, it wasn’t my business and I had no intention of getting entangled with a complicated soon-to-be love affair. That was until the girl got jealous of me and started throwing me dagger-like looks.

Well, I felt, somehow, flattered, that she saw me as a threat. First and foremost, I wasn’t even pretty and second, the guy wasn’t even paying me special attention except for the usual and casual co-worker to co-worker banter. So, I thought, she need not feel threatened in any way. After all, she made it perfectly clear in the entire office that HE was HERS and hers alone.

Then, she began having tantrums, snapping at the guy and throwing things on the floor like stapler, puncher and even harmless little paper clips. I guess the guy was starting to feel embarrassed for how his girlfriend was acting in the office. He even apologized to me once for her behavior, though I found it unnecessary. Then, I overheard them arguing as quietly as they could. Then, the girl started to go on hunger strike. She started not to eat lunch and when she fell ill, she wanted the guy to take her to the hospital. Uuuggh! Wasn’t that lame?

Lame as it was.. It worked! After half a year, there was a rumor that the two were getting married. The girl was pregnant. I was, believe it or not, happy for her. But looking at the guy, his wasn’t really the face of a happy groom. Well, maybe he learned to love the girl alright, but maybe he wasn’t ready for marriage yet.

What more can I say, but that.. her patience paid off!

Wasn't Slow

The first time I saw Val, I thought he was one difficult student to handle. He seemed.. slow. He kept on forgetting his lessons, his books, his schedules and every time his mom brings him to the center, she always has something unpleasant to say about her son. And when you hear her, it seems like Val is the most hopelessly stupid person in the whole wide world.

I was right. He was difficult to handle. For one, he doesn’t want to learn. He was one lazy boy who doesn’t care whether he learns or not. Second, he always acts stupid, probably hoping we would just give up on him and send him home. Finally, he seems to be using the center to rebel against his mother. He wouldn’t attend the session because when his mother calls, she would be extremely furious when she finds out he ditched a session.

So, when his mother presented a letter from the principal with instructions to focus on his English subject, I felt doomed. But whether I like it or not,  I had to do my job, no, not to teach him, but to let him like to learn. So, knowing his attitude towards studies, I started with the basic, and I mean, lessons that he already took and that may seem easy for him to answer. As customary, I was lavish with praises for correct answers and infinitely patient with incorrect answers.

He seemed to like it. That is.. he liked to be credited for doing well and being shown patience for things he couldn’t do that well. He started coming regularly and on time. Well, that was a change. Then, we started to talk like old friends, and I learned that his mom nags him every single day of his life and finds it a pleasant habit to rant at him even about things that are beyond him.

I haven’t noticed that he was actually improving until he showed me a test paper with only five incorrect answers. Well, THAT’s a major change. Then, I realized he wasn’t slow at all. He is actually good and he still has much room for improvement. And I was happy for him.

I learned, though, that he stopped attending sessions since I resigned. Well, I want to think he doesn’t need a tutor anymore, otherwise, I would feel a little guilty for turning my back on him.. :(

For Val, 'study as hard as you used to do. I know you can do it even without me. Make me and yourself proud :D'

*not real name

A Choice

When we were in first year high school, my friend, Lara* felt a deep infatuation to his older brother’s best friend, Tom*. Tom, however, had a crush on an older girl in school. So, Lara just satisfied herself by looking at Tom from a distance.

Just like other ordinary high school girls, we grew up and Lara became one of the prettiest and smartest girls in campus. A flock of suitors block our way to and from school. Before we graduated, Lara’s most awaited moment had come. Tom sent him a token of his admiration. My friend was elated, she had long dreamed of being noticed by Tom and now that it happened, she was so happy.

But when I asked her if she still liked Tom the way she used to do when we were younger, she said why wouldn’t she? She has always liked and loved him and this was the moment she’s long been waiting for.

So, they became sweethearts. It took only a couple of weeks before I noticed that Lara wasn’t as happy as we both expected, and I guess I wasn’t surprised. When I asked her about it, she admitted that she, herself, didn’t know why. So, I said maybe she wasn’t really in love with Tom, that what she felt was just teenage infatuation which is totally different from love.

She thought about it and broke up with Tom after a while. But Tom took it too hard. He resorted to prohibited drugs until he got addicted to it and had to drop from school. Lara felt so guilty. She blamed herself for messing up Tom’s life. But I said she may have hurt him, but it wasn’t her fault if Tom resorted to drugs. He had a choice. He chose to be a bum and no one was to blame except himself.

Man is a rational animal. If one man isn’t rational, then, what is he..?

*not real name

Hello, Stranger!

Weena was four years* old when she enrolled at the center where I used to work. She was a pretty and smart little thing whom everybody likes.

It was her father who takes her to the center and we learned that her mother was working abroad. So, we were kind of excited when we learned that her mother arrived. We wanted her mother to see how smart Weena is and we want to show-off the new things she learned from the center.

We were disappointed, though, when Weena’s mother came. She didn’t talk to us or to anyone. She was texting on her cell phone all through out the session never even looking at what Weena was doing with her classmates. When the session ended. She just stood beside her husband and waited for the time to go. Contrary to what we expected from mothers who come from working abroad, she didn’t ask for Weena’s progress or performance in class. When Weena came out, she didn’t stretch her arms to give her a hug or ask her about the class, like the other mothers waiting outside. She just continued texting.

Weena, then, took her father’s hand and walked beside him as if she didn’t see her mother. She smiled and waved at us and gave each of us flying kisses then she hopped-skipped out of the center. Her mother came with her father two more times and the same thing happened.

If only Weena doesn’t have her mother’s eyes and mouth, we would think that the lady wasn’t her mother. Well, maybe, she just wasn’t showy or sweet like other mothers. But thinking of Weena and how charming and sweet the girl is, even a total stranger would be smitten.

Last I heard, the mother was back abroad..

*not real name

The VERY SPECIAL LADY

Zandra* was a petite lady in her late 20s when I became aware of her presence. I was in grade school at the time. With a waistline of 23, she found herself sexy and alluring. Not only that, she also considered herself beauty and brains. For a young girl like myself, it was SOMETHING. But when I got a little older, I formed my own description of her.. a self centered skinny lady.

I know I sound biased but I had a chance to get to know a little about her. Her waistline of 23 which she was excessively proud of was matched with a flat chest. She was opinionated and wouldn’t even listen to other people’s opinion. How would she consider them if she wouldn’t even listen?

Finally, she snubbed every single guy who approached her and expressed any interest to her. She said she would only marry a guy that can afford to give her a helper that would do the household chores for her. I wanted to ask her that if she loved someone, wouldn’t it be enough reason to marry him? But of course, I was just a young and idealistic girl.

Years went by and Zandra remained the way she was, picky.It seems like no one was good enough for her. Maybe I wasn’t the only one who noticed it, but her youth was fading. Her face was starting to age and her body was starting to sag. Moreover, her suitors were starting to decrease in number until finally every guy was taken and she was left alone.

I was then at the peak of my youth. I may not be the prettiest girl in town but I had a few admirers whose attention I enjoy. But unlike Zandra, I treated them fairly. If I didn’t like a particular guy, then I refused politely telling him that I only see him as a dear friend and we end up friends. I realized that anyone has a choice to be nice so why choose otherwise?

It had been a long time. I haven’t seen Zandra for almost a decade I guess, but I heard from distant relatives that she lived with her nieces and nephews. Maybe it was her choice or maybe it wasn’t. I wouldn’t know how she feels right now but one thing I am sure of..

I learned something about her life that made me enjoy my youth to the fullest..

*not real name

The Brain Is In The Head

I was in third year in college when I met Len* She was younger than me by two years. A product of broken family and raised by her adoptive parents, Len was somehow bitter. She always finds something wrong about anybody, me included of course, but since I learned not to mind criticisms, I just let it pass. But others were not as tolerant as I was, they found Len bitchy unfriendly.

If there was one person I knew Len sincerely cared about, it was her childhood friend Mark. But life seemed to be unfair, Mark’s parents did not approve of Len. Len became even more bitter and said things about Mark’s parents that were not nice. When Mark learned about them, he kept his distance. Consequently, Len  lost Mark as a friend.

Hurt and mad, Len diverted all of her attention to someone she barely knew. She spent the night with the guy and gave herself to him, hoping the guy will love her for what she did. She was wrong, the guy did not find anything special about what she did. After all, they liked each other even though they just met. When the guy left to go home in the province, she never heard of him again.

One night, as Len was headed home, a group of guys invited her to share a drink with them. She found it nice for them to invite her, so she joined them. But in her second bottle of beer, she found one of the guys starting to touch her in a lascivious way. She got up and left. They yelled at her calling her names she didn’t know she would hear.

The following day, she told me about it in a detached manner. I told her she was lucky she was not gang-raped. Then she broke down. She cried and cried asking me why people find it difficult to love her and why is it that she is not happy like other people.

At that time, I didn’t know what to say. I just said that love begets love and that she had to love other people so they will love her back. Then she said why is it that she always loved the wrong person, to this I answered maybe the reason why the brain is in the head is so that it will tell the heart what to do and that she had to use her brain more so that she will commit less mistake in choosing whom to love.

Unwise and young as I was back then, I thought it was the most sensible thing I could say to her.

*not real name

The Brat

Ralph* is an enormous boy of four. He is tall and fat for his age and he is used to getting what he wants and when he wants. Even his own mother is afraid to upset him lest he would throw up an earsplitting tantrum. When we asked the mother why he developed such behavior, the mother said Ralph’s father spoiled him beyond belief.

One day, I assisted the preschool teacher. Ralph, seeing that I was a new face looked hard at me with a sneer and stuck his tongue at me. Since our program includes behavior modification, I looked back at Ralph and told him it wasn’t nice to stick tongues at people. He stared at me as if he couldn’t belief I had the nerve to talk to him that way. He hardened his whole body, and with red face and closed fists in his sides, yelled at me..

“I don’t want to be nice!!!”

Undaunted, I faced him and gently said..

“Ralph, it’s not polite to yell at people..”

At this, he got even madder, probably because of being defied or because of my calm tone, I couldn’t tell..

“Get out of here!!” he yelled again, angrier and redder this time.

The preschool teacher felt it was time to interfere. As gentle as I was earlier, she said in a kind but firm voice..

"”Ralph, it’s not nice to talk like that to a teacher and even to anyone. Say ‘sorry’ to Teacher Kim and don’t do it again..”

Ralph dropped to the matted floor of the playschool and started a tantrum. He flailed his arms and kicked his legs and screamed. He hit the floor with his fists and kept on kicking. The preschool teacher and I made sure he wouldn’t hurt himself and the other children in the play school and behaved as if we ignore him.

We saw in our peripheral vision how his doting father got alarmed and was about to get inside the playschool but the mother stopped him and assured him that we know what we are doing.

After a while, Ralph noticed that no one was affected by his tantrums. He kept quiet, probably to listen, so the preschool teacher took the opportunity and asked him in her usual gentle voice.

“Are you ready to finish your work now, Ralph?”

“Yes” was the timid answer.

The teacher helped him up and sit down the chair beside me. I gave his paper and handed him a paint brush. He took it, so, I offered the cup of paint as if nothing happened. He worked quietly with an occasional glance at me, and I smiled at him sincerely every time and even asked if he needed any help. He wouldn’t answer but would look somewhere else.

It was the last time Ralph had a tantrum. The next time I assisted in their class, he sat beside me and we became friends after that.

*not real name

Nat and His Beautiful Wife

Nat* and I have known each other since we were young. He is a ‘not-so-good-looking’ guy but very smart and talented. He graduated first in class and though heavily intoxicated on the night before the Licensure Examination for Teachers, still, managed to pass the exam with a surprisingly high score, something that didn’t surprised me at all.

What surprised me, though, was when he married a very beautiful girl about thirteen years his junior. I know it wasn’t surprising at all, but it seems very uncharacteristic of him to marry someone so.. vain and superficial. But of course, I could be wrong in my assessment of his bride.

During the first year of their marriage, I heard  good things about them. The girl was nice. Nat was overworked but happy. Well, I could only be happy for them, couldn’t I? This is one of the rare occasions when I feel happy for being wrong.

After a few more years, however, I started to hear something different. The girl was nasty. Nat was overworked and miserable but still obviously blindly in love. Well, if that’s the way he wants it, who am I to comment.

Then, last year, I had a chance to go over their place. The girl was nice enough to receive me. If she felt revolted with my presence, I guess I had been too happy to be insensitive. I talked with Nat about my plans and that I wanted him to be a part of it. I asked him to make original clip arts for me that I can use for the children’s book that I wanted to make. He seems thrilled by the idea. So, I invited him to come over where I was staying so I could show him some samples of my work. But he said he had something to do and that he would be happy to drop by ‘tomorrow.’

So, the following day, I waited for him. He didn’t show up that day nor any other day while I was there. I heard from my cousins that his wife never let him go out without her and that he only goes where his wife lets him go. They said I was lucky to be treated nicely by his wife. Well, if being almost ignored was nice enough then I really was lucky.

I haven’t heard from Nat until now, but he would surely hear from me when I get back :)

*not real name

Grandma Loves Lynnie

Lynnie* was a cute little girl of nearly five years when she was first enrolled at the center. She seemed to be pretty smart, too, except that we couldn’t talk with her. She mumbled unintelligible sounds as if she was talking with imaginary friends and was having such a real good time at it. What more, Lynnie couldn’t keep still, nor does she have eye contact with any one.

The little girl’s parents are a young couple, both of them are nurses. Though her father is working at a private clinic somewhere in the city, he has plans to work abroad where his wife works. Lynnie has been living with her grandmother who doted on her. For grandmother, Lynnie is the prettiest and smartest girl in the world, so, she overlooked Lynnie’s difference from her classmates. Lynnie’s short attention span she attributed to the girl’s over-playfulness and Lynnie’s difficulty in speaking she blamed to her own inattentiveness and laziness to talk with the little girl. We understood all of that, and we knew that it was wiser to talk with Lynnie’s father instead of her grandmother.

Incidentally, Lynnie’s father brought her to the center one day. Our preschool teacher talked to him and asked him if they already took Lynnie to a specialist concerning her speech, which, we thought, was the most obvious. The father admitted that he already considered taking the girl to a specialist as he was afraid the girl might have ADHD, but the grandmother was loath to the idea and kept on insisting that there was nothing wrong with her granddaughter. And since it was the grandmother who pays all the bills, she has the last say in the matter.

We simply wish we just imagined the whole thing and that there was really nothing wrong with Lynnie, otherwise, we will just end up feeling sorry for the little girl and feeling sorry for ourselves for being not helpful enough.

*not real name